Photo of the Day: Dark Wizards

Photo of the Day: Strawberry Lollipops

Photo of the Day: Cedric

Photo of the Day: Dementors

Reasons to Read Harry Potter

1. A coming of age story of a boy with a wand
2. Alan Rickman plays Snape (I may be gay, but that man has one sexy voice).
3. Muggles and squibs
4. Quidditch
5. Hagrid, the lovable half-giant with a giant heart for all things living
6. You will have the urge to unleash a boggart in someone's office, some pixies in the cafeteria, and have a pet owl or phoenix
7. Riding a hippogriff to work would be an amazing form of transportation
8. Goblins should run all banks (as long as they have dragons and booby-traps to protect the money in the vaults)
9. No sparkling vampires
10. It may be considered a "children's book", however there are many adult elements such as politics, deception, genocide, discrimination
11. Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi - wouldn't you love to know what it means?
12. Don't you want to know why Voldemort has no nose?
13. Death Eaters
14. The Dark Mark
15. Norberta the Norwegian Ridgeback dragon
16. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs
17. What would your patronus be?
18. A doe, a deer, a female deer
19. Whomping Willow
20. Garden gnomes are real
21. House cup and prefects
22. Laughter and tears
23. Wizard chess
24. Draco Dormiens Numquam Titilandus
25. House elves
26. Cats are more than meets the eye
27. Animagus
28. Rename your recycle bin on your computer "Azkaban" and then throw something away, only after reading Harry Potter will you realize why this is so funny
29. Who is Tom Marvolo Riddle/
30. Parseltongue
31. Who was the Potter's secret keeper? For that matter...what is a secret keeper?
32. Ordinary Wizarding Levels
33. Chocolate is medicinal
34. Dragon blood is an effective oven cleaner
35. Platform 9 3/4
36. Polyjuice Potion
37. Avada Kedavra
38. Moaning Myrtle
39. Chamber of Secrets
40. Albus Wulfric Percival Brian Dumbledore
41. I am determined to name one of my children Snape (Rachel doesn't know this yet)
42. Pictures and paintings move
43. Who doesn't love a good mystery?
44. All of the books are connected in some way (besides Harry Potter). There may be a meaningless item in a book that becomes pivotal later
45. Bones can regrow
46. All you can eat buffet that magically appears on your gold plate
47. Bellatrix Lestrange
48. Room of Requirement
49. It's been put on the list of banned books and who doesn't want to defy that list?
50. Using magic for household chores
51. Luggage is magically transported
52. Mail is delivered by owls
53. Howlers
54. Apparating
55. Ministry of Magic
56. Broomsticks are a valid form of transportation
57. The success of alchemy
58. Ties in actual people with complete fiction (Nicholas Flammel)
59. Dragons are real, and there are many different types of dragons
60. A lovable dog named Fang
61. The Malfoys
62. Godric Gryffindor, Helga Hufflepuff, Rowena Ravenclaw, and Salazar Slytherin
63. Godric's Hollow
64. The Deathly Hallows

Save the Date

Rachel wouldn't let me use this as our Save the Date for our wedding:

Disappointing since it took so long to compile...

Character Tokens

Last summer, I wrote a very brief guide to the Character Tokens, found in Lego Harry Potter Years 1-4. Periodically, I receive random emails from people who have seen my guide and want to ask me questions. The experience has been quite interesting, seeing that I am actually being recognized for my writing.

A few weeks ago, I received another email about my guide, which I originally thought was just another gamer wanting to ask a random question. Instead, I was surprised to find that MMGN, a video game site from Australia, wanted permission to post my Character Token guide on their website.

Awesome!

Voldemort Tweets

A few months ago, I came across a list of Gary Busey Tweets from his Twitter account that made me want to soil my pants with laughter. It actually made me laugh so hard that I found myself suckered into starting a Twitter account with the sole purpose of following a half dozen random accounts for a quick pick me up after a long day. My recent favorite, has been Lord Voldemort. I know what your thinking, isn't he a fictional character? Apparently not, seeing that he has his own Twitter account and since it's on the internet, it has to be real. Right? The following is a list of some of his recent Tweets.

• Almost Valentine's day. Don't worry if you've been dumped, there are plenty of fish in the sea. Just kidding, the oil spill killed them all.
• "You can't judge a book by it's cover." What? Yes, you can. Isn't that the point? Judge it, and if it says 'Twilight' judge the reader too.
• Punxsutawney Phil is apparently a weather-predicting groundhog that says Spring is coming. Yet people don't believe in magic? WTF?
• People need to stop talking about "Edward Cullen" & start referring to him by his proper name: Sparkly Cedric.
• There is always a calm before the storm. So, that's when you should steal stuff. Then escape while everyone is  distracted by the storm.
• Why is contributing called "putting your two cents in." What you're adding is only worth two cents? You're useless. Shut up and go away.
• Yes, Helena Bonham Carter's wearing different colored shoes on the red carpet. You know why? Because evil does whatever the hell it wants.
• Yes, it's 1/11/11 or 11/1/11. Today is a new day to get things right. I have no doubt that everyone will manage to fuck it up though.
• Whose dumb-ass idea was it to let people drive cars? "Hey, here's an idea, let's put idiots in control of giant, speeding, metal boxes!"
• Bridges burned, lesson learned. What was the lesson? Burning shit is fucking fantastic.
• If you ever feel powerless remember you can take control of any situation. Just make everyone around you feel awkward. Instant power.
• Turns out Mondays in 2011 are the same as Mondays in 2010...they suck.
• There are pictures of Bieber groping Selena Gomez on a boat. Goodbye Cruciatus Curse. I just found a new way to cause physical pain!!
• "Even a broken clock is right twice a day." Yeah, and it's fucking useless the rest of the day.
• Natalie Portman is pregnant. Quick! Put the Darth Vader theme music in tweet form! Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dun Dunnnn!
• If someone tells you that "absence makes the heart grow fonder" it really means you suck & nobody likes having to actually be around you.
• The US & Europe are being battered with snow & rain. Do you see what happens when you pretend Santa's more important than me. DO YOU SEE?!?
• I wish Death Eaters would stop accidentally touching their dark marks in the shower. This is starting to get awkward...
• It's Ralph Fiennes' birthday. There's something about him I really like. I can't quite figure out what it is...
• Everyone should set realistic New Year's goals. For example, my resolution is to continue being witty & devastating good-looking. Done.

Youtube of the Week: Filmography 2010

Apparently, this year was a huge year for the movie industry. A majority of the movies that were released did fairly well at the box office. I was only able to see a handful of movies this year, and what I mean by a handful of movies was a total of three. I came across this earlier and thought it was badass. I'm guessing some computer nerd with way too much time on his hands compiled a six minute clip of every movie of 2010 (though I did notice a few absentee movies).

Facebook Statuses 6

Status: On my way home I saw an elderly women struggling to get groceries out of her car. So I helped her out. I feel like a good person now.

Comment: That's weird, I robbed some old lady on my way home while some kid was helping her with her groceries

Comment: That's weird, I hit some robber who was robbing some old lady on my way home after I saw some kid helping her with her groceries

Comment: Hey, my mom went grocery shopping, has anybody seen her?

Status: It takes 42 muscles to frown, but only 14 to lift your middle finger and tell them to fuck off.

Status: I want a guy who can take me out, unashamed. Show me off at work. Be all over me without being sexual, because he loves me, and isn't afraid to show it. Take me on dates and tells me he loves me in public. A guy who's main goal in the relationship isn't to fuck me, but make me feel special. One of a kind.

Comment: I want a girl with a mind like a diamond.

Comment: a mind like a diamond? I'm not sure I understand that...explain, please.

Comment: I want a girl who knows what's best.

Comment: I want a girl with shoes that cut and eyes that burn like cigarettes.

Comment: I want a girl with the right allocations, who is fast and thorough and sharp as a tack. She's playing with her jewelry. She's putting up her hair. She's touring the facility, and picking u slack.

Comment: I want a girl with a short skirt and a looooong jacket.

Comment: I want a girl who gets up early.

Comment: I want a girl who stays up late.

Comment: hmm, am I missing something

Comment: I want a girl with uninterrupted prosperity who uses a machete to cut through red tape, with fingernails that shine like justice and a voice that is dark like tinted glass. She is fast and thorough and sharp as a tack. She is touring the facility and picking up slack.

Comment: I want a girl with a short shirt, and a loooooooong, long jacket.

Comment: I want a girl with a smooth liquidation.

Comment: I want a girl with good dividends. At Citibank we will meet accidentally. We'll start to talk when she borrows my pen. She wants a car with a cupholder armrest. She wants a car that will get her there. She's changing her name from Kitty to Karen. She's trading her MG for a white Chrysler LeBaron.

Comment: I want a girl with a short skirt and a LOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGG JACKET!

Status: Don't bite the hand that feeds you.

Comment: I agree

Comment: But it's extra food

Status: An all-white Tennessee is a good Tennessee

Comment: Crap. White as in snow. :P

Comment: Good thing you clarified! I was looking at that going..."OH NO!"

Status: just saw a big one up close for the first time and loved it.

Comment: I always had a feeling, son. It's ok. I love your personality, gay or not.

Status: Pissed because my netbook is filled with viruses because someone was lookin at porn on my computer and it wasn't me. Hence the reason why I hate letting people use my shit.
Comment: was it dad?
Comment: yeah

Status: Everyone: stop studying for finals and read Harry Potter. When you read, replace every "wand" with "wang." It will be a much better use of your time. Promise.
Comment: Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on the walls.
Comment: classic

Status: My 2 year old calls my wives bras a "bobbie hose" ain't life grand
Comment: Hey father of the year, she'll be four on Sunday

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

I finally finished Chamber of Secrets this morning, (all this Christmas shopping has left me no time to sit down and read). I have to say, Chamber of Secrets is my least favorite book of the series, due to the vast number of completely unbelievable events in the story. Are we really supposed to believe that Hagrid opened the Chamber of Secrets 50 years ago when he isn't even a heir to Slytherin?

With that said, the outline to Chamber of Secrets:

Dobby - Dobby the House-elf makes his first appearance in Chamber of Secrets when he tries to save Harry Potter by preventing him from returning to Hogwarts. First, he stole all of Harry's letters during the summer to make it seem like his friends really didn't care about him, then closed the magical port that led to platform 9 3/4. during a Quidditch match, he enchanted a Bludger to chase after Harry during the game, which resulted in him breaking his arm. House-elves can only be freed when their owner gives them an article of clothing. At the end of the book, Harry places the diary into his sock and returns it to Lucius Malfoy. Lucius throws the sock aside, but Dobby catches the sock, which inadvertently frees Dobby.

The Burrow - The Burrow is the home to the Weasley family. Harry arrives at the Burrow after Fred, George, and Ron save Harry from the Dursleys, who have barred Harry's windows and locked him in his room after Dobby dropped a cake on Mrs. Mason's head. Harry and Ron would later use the car to arrive at Hogwarts after a magical barrier was placed on the platform at the train station, preventing them from taking the Hogwarts Express to school. The Burrow also has many interesting items, such as a clock that doesn't tell time but the location of every Weasley family member.

Borgin and Burkes - After using Floo Powder, Harry finds himself in a place called Borgin and Burkes located on Diagon Alley. When Lucius and Draco Malfoy enter the shop, Harry hides in an empty cabinet, which is part of a set of two Vanishing Cabinets.

Vanishing Cabinets - The cabinet in which Harry hides in at Borgin and Burkes is part of a set of two cabinets called the Vanishing Cabinets. Both of the cabinets make an appearance in Chamber of Secrets, though their actual use isn't used until Half-Blood Prince, when Draco fixed the one at Hogwarts and used it to allow Death Eaters into the school. Draco learns of the cabinet's ability to transport people after Fred and George force Montague, the Slytherin Quidditch captain and member of the Inquisitorial Squad into it when he tried to take house points from Gryffindor.

Whomping Willow - The Whomping Willow is a tree located on the grounds of Hogwarts. Ron and Harry crash into the tree with their magical car, causing Ron's wand to break. The Whomping Willow plays a relatively minor role in Chamber of Secrets, though we learn of the tunnel leading to the Shrieking Shack the tree is hiding in Prisoner of Azkaban.

Mudblood - The term Mudblood is first used in Chamber of Secrets. Mudblood is a derogatory term for a Muggle-born wizard or witch, a wizard with no wizard parents or grandparents.


Squib - A squib is a non-magical person who is born to at least one magical parent. Squibs are different than Muggles, since they are still aware of the wizard world, for example they are able to see Hogwarts.


Moaning Myrtle - Myrtle was a Muggle-born witch who attended Hogwarts at the time of Tom Riddle and Hagrid. She was killed by Tom Riddle, through the use of Salazar Slytherin's Basilisk, when Tom Riddle created his first Horcrux, his diary. After her death, she became a ghost who haunts the second floor girl's bathroom at Hogwarts.


Parseltongue - Parseltongue is the ability to speak to snakes and it is a very rare ability amongst the wizard world. There are only a handful of people with the ability to speak to snakes, Salazar Slytherin, Lord Voldemort, and Harry Potter. During the dueling club fight between Draco and Harry, Draco uses a spell to summon a snake. The snake is about to attack Justin Filch-Finley, when Harry begins to speak Parseltongue, though Harry doesn't realize it. Of course, all the students are shocked and believe that Harry is the heir to Slytherin and opened the Chamber of Secrets.

Polyjuice Potion - Polyjuice Potion is a very complicated potion that allows the drinker to assume the form of someone else. While it can account for both age and gender, the potion cannot be used for a human to take an animal form. Ron, Harry, and Hermione use the potion to enter the Slytherin House and find out if Draco is actually the Heir of Slytherin and responsible for opening the Chamber of Secrets. Hermione transformed into a cat by mistake, since the hair she thought belonged to Millicent Bulstrode actually belonged to Millicent's cat.The potion is used throughout the series, such as in Goblet of Fire when Barty Crouch Jr. transforms himself into Madeye Moody for the entire school year. The ingredients of Polyjuice Potion are:

1. 12 lacewing flies that have been stewed for 21 days
2. 1 ounce of crude Antimony
3. 4 leeches that have unsucculated
4. 16 scruples of fluxweed that was picked at full moon
5. 3 drachms of pulverized Sal Ammoniac
6. Pulverized blades of knotgrass
7. 1 pinch of powdered horn of a Bicorn that has been lunar extracted
8. Filings and rasplings of Saltpeter, Mercury and Mars
9. Shredded dried skin of a Boomslang
10. Extract of The-Transfiguring-Being-To-Be

Fawkes the Phoenix - Fawkes is a highly intelligent phoenix and Dumbledore's magical familiar and defender. A magical familiar is an animal associate with an intimate and bonding relationship with a human. Two of his tail feathers were fashioned into the cores of two wands made from yew and holly. The yew wand went to Tom Riddle and the holly wand went to Harry Potter. Fawkes helped save Harry's life by blinding Salazar Slytherin's basilisk and dropping the Sorting Hat into Harry's lap. When Harry's arm was wounded by the basilisk fang, Fawkes used his tears to help cure him of the basilisk venom.


Armando Dippet - Armando Dippet was the Headmaster of Hogwarts fifty years ago when Tom Riddle and Hagrid were students there. Harry meets a portrait of Armando Dippet hanging in Dumbledore's office during the Order of the Phoenix.

Rubeus Hagrid - As mentioned in Sorcerer's Stone, Hagrid was expelled from Hogwarts. While reading Tom Riddle's Diary, Harry views a memory of Riddle turning Hagrid in for opening the Chamber of Secrets and killing a student. In typical Hagrid fashion, Hagrid was caring for a creature in his cupboard. The headmaster believed Riddle's story and Hagrid was expelled from Hogwarts, though Dumbledore did convince Dippet to take Hagrid in and train him as the gamekeeper. After Hagrid is once again taken to Azkaban at the end of the book, he gives Harry and Ron advice in his hut, telling them to follow the spiders. Ron and Harry follow the spiders into the Forbidden Forest, meeting Aragog, an acromantulas. The giant spider, loyal to Hagrid, tells the boys what actually happened the night the student had died. Aragog also hints to the boys that the Chamber of Secrets opening is located in the same bathroom that Moaning Myrtle spends her days.

Tom Riddle's Diary - Voldemort created seven Horcruxes prior to his defeat, which Harry learns about in Half-Blood Prince. One of the Horcruxes in the diary that Lucius Malfoy slipped into Ginny Weasley's books at Flourish and Blotts. The diary is destroyed by Harry in the Chamber of Secrets.

Chamber of Secrets - At the end of the book, Ginny Weasley has gone missing, being taken to the Chamber of Secrets with the diary in hand. While in the chamber, Harry finally learns that Tom Riddle is actually Lord Voldemort. The letters in Riddle's full name (Tom Marvolo Riddle) can be rearranged to read I am Lord Voldemort. After learning that Riddle is Voldemort, Fawkes arrives with the Sorting Hat. Riddle unleashes the basilisk that has been tormenting the school onto Harry, but Fawkes intervenes by pecking the serpent's eyes out so that he can't kill Harry through his stare. Godric Gryffindor's Sword appears in the Sorting Hat after Harry places the hat on his head. Harry uses the sword to kill the basilisk and a tooth from the serpent to destroy the diary.

Godric Gryffindor's Sword - The sword was made by goblins and will take on the properties of substances it encounters. In this case, the sword was used to kill the basilisk, which in turn, then absorbed the blood of the basilisk. The Horcruxes created by Voldemort can only be destroyed by damaging it beyond repair. There are only a few ways in which this can be done, through basilisk venom, which has only one cure (Phoenix tears) or a magical smelting procedure, such as the Fiendfyre spell used in the last book.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

With the release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part I last Friday, I have decided to read the entire series for a second time. I started to read the series when Order of the Phoenix was released in theaters, but never got around to finishing the series until Half Blood Prince was released. Since the author, J.K. Rowlings, had an idea of how the entire series would take place, she mentions many characters, magical items, etc. throughout the books, utilizing foreshadowing to keep the reader coming back for more. Of course, this means that I'm going to make an attempt to take note of people, events, and items that are mentioned in the previous books. This outline was primarily created for me so that I can get the most out of the entire series, but I figured it would make for an interesting blog entry.

Be warned - Spoilers galore!

Dumbledore - In the first chapter, Dumbledore is seen eating "lemon drops." In the British version of the book, Dumbledore is eating "sherbet lemons," which are also a lemon flavored candy though a different variation. In the Chamber of Secrets, the password to his tower office is revealed to be "lemon drops," though Harry Potter guesses "sherbet lemon" and gets the password correct.

Godric's Hollow - James and Lily Potter were living in a house in a Muggle village that happens to bear the name of Godric Gryffindor. Godric's Hollow is also the town where Dumbledore spent a part of his youth, which Harry learns in Deathly Hallows. Harry doesn't visit the village until Christmas Eve in book 7. During the visit, he discovers his parents graves, the ruined cottage where they had lived, and a Muggle war memorial that transforms into a memorial of his family when he walks by it.

Sirius Black - When Hagrid drops baby Harry off at the Dursleys' home, he is riding a flying motorcycle, which he borrowed from Sirius Black. This is the first mention of Sirius Black in the series.

Arabella Figg - Each year on Dudley's birthday, Harry is left with Mrs. Figg, who lived two streets away. Unbeknown to Harry, Arabella Figg is a Squib and a member of the Order of the Phoenix.

Dedalus Diggle - Dumbledore believes Diggle is responsible for the fireworks display in Kent after the defeat of Voldemort the previous night. Later, he bows to Harry as Harry is shopping with Mrs. Dursley. Harry is later introduced to him in the Leaky Cauldron.

Rubeus Hagrid - Hagrid was expelled from Hogwarts when he was 14 years old and his wand was snapped in half. Hagrid mentions this briefly to Harry, but the entire story is later revealed in Chamber of Secrets.

Cornelius Fudge - Cornelius Fudge is the Minister of Magic for about 6 years. Fudge wasn't very confident and was constantly seeking advice from Dumbledore. Towards the end of the book, Dumbledore receives an urgent owl from the Ministry of Magic and flew off for London at once. Since Dumbledore can easily apparate, he most likely flew using one of the school's thestrals to make the journey longer.

Wands - The match between a witch or a wizard and their wand is very unique, since the wand chooses its master. Presumably, one couldn't perform magic as well with a mis-matched wand, such as the effect with Ron and Neville. Neither boy is particularly adept at magic at first since they weren't using the proper wand. Ron doesn't get a wand matched to him until his third year, while Neville's wand was inherited from his father and broke during the Battle of the Department of Mysteries and got a new one in his sixth year. Mr. Ollivander sends an owl to Dumbledore notifying him of the purchase of the second Fawkes-feather wand as soon as Harry and Hagrid leave the shop (though you don't learn about this until book 4). The other owner of the Fawkes-feather wand is Voldemort.

Scabbers - Scabbers is Ron's pet rat, who he inherits from Percy. In book 3, we learn that Scabbers is actually Peter Pettigrew.

Gellert Grindenwald - Grindenwald was defeated by Dumbledore in 1945, which Harry learns from reading the back of his Dumbledore trading card. Grindenwald was the holder of the Elder Wand, which Dumbledore gains possession of after Grindenwald's defeat.

The Sorting Hat - When the Sorting Hat is placed on Harry's head, he repeatedly asks the hat not to put him Slytherin. The hat hears this and begins to question Harry and eventually places him in Gryffindor. This event is later discussed in Chamber of Secrets.

Harry's Scar - Harry's scar on his forehead aches when Voldemort is present. During the sorting process, the presence of Quirrell causes Harry's scar to ache.

Bezoar - A bezoar is a stone taken from the stomach of a goat and it will save you from most poisons. Harry gives Ron a bezoar in Professor Slughorn's office when he had been poisoned.

Quidditch - McGonagall buys Harry a Nimbus Two Thousand so that he can be seeker on the Gryffindor Quidditch team. First ears are not allowed to own brooms.

Invisibility Cloak - For Christmas, Dumbledore gives Harry his father's invisibility cloak, though Harry doesn't realize it at the time. Dumbledore also returns the cloak to Harry when he leaves it on the astronomy tower.

The Mirror of Erised - While wearing the invisibility cloak, Harry finds the Mirror of Erised and begins to visit it regularly to see his parents. Inscribed on the mirror are the words "Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi" which translates to "I show not your face but your heart's desire." When Dumbledore speaks to Harry in the room with the Mirror of Erised in it, he tells Harry that he sees himself with socks.

Firenze - Firenze is a centaur who lives in the Forbidden Woods. He helps save Harry from Voldemort during his detention for being out of bed after curfew. Firenze later becomes a teacher at Hogwarts when his herd expels him for being willing to forsake the traditions of the herd. Bane and Ronan, two other centaurs from his heard, witness Firenze carrying Harry on his back as if Firenze was a mule or horse.

Voldemort - Voldemort makes several appearances throughout the book, though you don't realize it until the last chapter. Voldemort is using Quirrell as a host. When Harry first meets Quirrell in Diagon Alley, Voldemort has not taken possession of Quirrell's body, which explains why he could shake Harry's hand at that point. Voldemort takes possession of Quirrell's body after he fails to steal the Stone from Gringotts.

15 Things To Do With Voldemort

15. Drag out a banjo at Death Eater revels and start playing 'Kumbayah'
14. Follow a few paces behind him, spraying everything he touches with a can of disinfectant.
13. Insist he help you with the newspaper crossword every morning.
12. Tell him Wormtail has a crush on him.
11. Get him a plant. Act mortally offended when he doesn't water it and it dies.
10. Ask him to dance a polka with you.
9. Throw tupperware parties. Insist he sit through them.
8. Throw him a 'care-bears' themed birthday party.
7. Paint all the Death-Eater masks with bright colors and glitter.
6. Eat his pet snake. Offer him some.
5. Mock his choice of Quirrel as 'host.'
4. Anytime he enters any room, insist on entering first and announcing him grandly.
3. In these announcements, fake a trumpet noise and give him an equally fake drumroll.
2. Magic-marker Potter-style glasses on him while he sleeps.
1. Apparate into and out of his room rapidly. Do this non-stop for an hour.

Photo of the Day: Harry and Draco

Photo of the Day: Hogwarts Graph

Photo of the Day: Smiling Snape

Photo of the Day: Sparkling Vampires

Facebook Comment

I've been addicted to Lego: Harry Potter Years 1-4 for the last week, which now has given me the desire to read the entire series again and watch all of the movies. I love Harry Potter.

I also love random comments on Facebook, especially when people spout out incorrect information to fit in. For example:

Status Update: for the next few days i will be doing one of the following: playing lego harry potter, watching harry potter, or reading harry potter.

Comment 1: I tried to play Lego Harry Potter with my cousins last summer (ages 11 & 12). They complimented on my playing skills. They told me that I played better than my cousin Vivian (aged 5).

Why is this comment funny? For starters, Lego Harry Potter was released this past Tuesday (June 29. 2010). Unless you are a wizard, then you weren't playing Lego Harry Potter. Perhaps a different Harry Potter game or even a different Lego game, but it definitely wasn't Lego Harry Potter.

Playing video games better than your five year old cousin isn't a compliment. It's called sarcasm. Your 11 and 12 year old cousins just insulted you.

Comment 2: Um, how are they different? :) Harry or hairy???

Have you been living under a rock for the last thirteen years? Let me break it down for you:

There are seven Harry Potter books, plus the Harry Potter Schoolbooks Series (Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them and Quidditch Through the Ages) and finally The Tales of the Beedle the Bard, a book which was mentioned in the series and later published as a separate entity. There are currently six Harry Potter movies, with the last book, Deathly Hallows being released as two separate movies, since the book was so long. There are also countless video games based on the Harry Potter series, with Lego: Harry Potter being the most recently released movie.

I love you dearly people, but please look into something before commenting on a status. This isn't the first time this is happened...and I'm sure it won't be the last either.

MTV Awards

Best Movie Nominations
Alice in Wonderland (Directed by Tim Burton)
Avatar (Directed by James Cameron)
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (Directed by David Yates)
The Hangover (Directed by Todd Phillips)
The Twilight Saga: New Moon (Directed by Chris Weitz)

What Should Win
Seeing that I haven't seen any of these movies except for Harry Potter, I'm going to have to select Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. I'm sure these other movies were good movies (I still want to see Hangover and Alice in Wonderland), but I don't think anything can match up with the last Harry Potter movie. Between the darkness of the story, the development of the characters, and the special effects, I would honestly be surprised if it does win.

Of these movies, The Twilight Saga: New Moon should DEFINITELY not win the Best Movie Award. For many, many reasons:
1. Vampires that can go in the sunlight.
2. Vegetarian Vampires - that sounds like an oxymoron
3. Why are none of these men wearing shirts
4. Robert Pattinson's very strange nipple (see below picture)

What Will Win
This category depends on which sex can get the most votes in. If the male population has it their way, Avatar will win, but if the female population has it their way, then The Twilight Saga: New Moon will win.

Best Kiss Nominations
Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning (The Runaways)
Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson (The Twilight Saga: New Moon)
Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds (The Proposal)
Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner (Valentine's Day)
Zoe Saldana and Sam Worthington (Avatar)

Who Should Win
Um...this is the "What the Fuck Category" of the night. I know what your thinking, since I'm gay I'm automatically going to gravitate to towards Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning.

Wrong.

Kristen Stewart = whiney human from the Twilight Saga.
Dakota Fanning = whiney child from War of the Worlds

My choice would be...I don't give a flying dookie who wins. In fact, my vote goes to Ernie and Bert.

Who Will Win
Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson, only because the female population is going to flood the votes due to their strange obsession with the Twilight Saga.

Best Fight Nominations
Beyonce Knowles vs. Ali Larter (Obsessed)
Hugh Jackman and Liev Schreiber vs. Ryan Reynolds (X-Men Origins: Wolverine)
Logan Lerman vs. Jake Abel (Percey Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief)
Robert Downey Jr. vs. Mark Strong (Sherlock Holmes)
Sam Worthington vs. Stephen Lang (Avatar)

Who Should Win
Again, these are five movies that I've never seen, however my vote goes to Robert Downey Jr. and Mark Strong, simply because my girlfriend loves Sherlock Holmes.

Who Will Win
I'm going with Robert Downey Jr. and Mark Strong, and not because my girlfriend loves Sherlock Holmes. Downey does some fancy fighting in the movie.

Best Villain Nominations
Christoph Waltz (Inglourious Basterds)
Helena Bonham Carter (Alice in Wonderland)
Ken Jeong (The Hangover)
Stephen Lang (Avatar)
Tom Felton (Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince)

Who Should WinTom Felton should win this category, considering that he goes completely evil in Half Blood Prince and is would have killed Dumbledore if Snape didn't get to him first. Of all the characters in the series, the Half Blood Prince has the most defining character transformation, turning Draco Malfoy from wizarding bully to wizarding murderer.

Who Will Win
As I stated above, Tom Feltom should win, however his major downfall in the movie is that he was too scared to actually go through with murder of Dumbledore, therefore his transformation into a complete villian wasn't complete. Villians don't show vulnerability.

Instead the victory is going to Ken Jeong from the Hangover.

Best WTF Moment Nominations
Betty White (The Proposal)
A 'Golden Girl' feels up Sandra Bullock during an awkward wedding dress fitting.
Bill Murray (Zombieland)
The original Ghostbuster, Bill Murray, popped up in 'Zombieland' in a surprise cameo playing himself.
Isabel Lucas (Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen)
Apparently, Isabel Lucas is "one smoking hot girl" but there's nothing sexy about her robot tongue hookup with Shia LaBeouf.
Ken Jeong (The Hangover)
Jeong pops out of a trunk naked right into Bradley Cooper's face.
Megan Fox (Jennifer's Body)
There's nothing hot about projectile vomit, even if said vomit comes from the lips of Megan Fox.

What Should WinBill Murray is himself in Zombieland. What makes that idea 10x better? Bill Murray playing himself as a zombie in Zombieland. WTF!

Who Will WinBetty White in The Proposal, only because she's a Golden Girl and feels up Sandra Bullock.

Biggest Badass Star NominationsAngelina Jolie
Channing Tatum
Chris Pine
Rain
Sam Worthington

Who Should Win
I'm very confused by this category. Biggest Badass Star? What is the definition of Badass Star? More importantly, MTV just gave these 5 people nominations, with nothing to support their nomination for Biggest Badass Star.

My vote is going to Chris Pine for playing James T. Kirk in the new Star Trek movie. It was the first Star Trek movie that I had ever seen, and Chris Pine did an excellent job of playing Capt. Kirk. In fact, I don't think I would have had as much interest in seeing the other movies if it wasn't for Pine's role as Kirk.

Who Will WinWhile I think Chris Pine should have one, the problem is the lack of career after Star Trek. It sort of died after the movie. I haven't heard his name mentioned since the release of Star Trek on DVD. Instead, Angelina Jolie will most likely win this category, only because she has 70 adopted children that need to be fed.

She needs the win people. Simply because a win for Biggest Badass Star, means that she gets more work, and the more work she gets, the more mouths she can feed. Come on people, she needs to save the world...one baby at a time!

Best Scared As Shit Performance
Alison Lohman (Drag Me to Hell)
Amanda Seyfried (Jennifer's Body)
Jesse Eisenberg (Zombieland)
Katie Featerston (Paranormal Activity)
Sharlto Copley (District 9)

What Should Win
I don't think it really matters. These are five movies that I won't see, simply because they are all in the Scared as Shit Category.

What Will Win
I'm pretty sure that Jennifer's Body is the only movie out of these five films to have any positive feedback from critics, therefore I'm going for Amanda Seyfried in Jennifer's Body.

Best Breakout Star NominationsAnna Kendrick (Up in the Air)
Chris Pine (Star Trek)
Gabourey Sidibe (Precious)
Logan Lerman (Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief)
Quinton Aaron (The Blind Side)
Zach Galifianakis (The Hangover)

Who Should Win
Zach Galifianakis. I haven't even seen The Hangover, but I know it was hilarious.

Who Will Win
Zach Galifianakis is one funny dude, and had more than one movie released this year, unlike the other nominees in this category.

Best Female Performance NominationsAmanda Seyfried (Dear John)
Emma Watson (Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince)
Kristen Stewart (The Twilight Saga: New Moon)
Sandra Bullock (The Blind Side)
Zoe Saldana (Avatar)

Who Should Win
Emma Watson is hot. I know it is so wrong to say, but Emma Watson is hot.

Who Will Win
Kristen Stewart, only because she's in the Twilight Saga: New Moon, and for some reason the female population is in love with this series. Personally, I think we should start a group to burn all of the copies of Twilight.

Best Male Performance Nominations
Channing Tatum (Dear John)
Daniel Radcliffe (Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince)
Robert Pattinson (The Twilight Saga: New Moon)
Taylor Lautner (The Twilight Saga: New Moon)
Zac Efron (17 Again)

Who Should Win
Harry Potter finally got over all of that teenage angst, and finally grew some balls to fight back. My vote goes to Daniel Radcliffe, he went from being a whiney bitching wizard to a bad-ass wizard.

Who Will WinSince this is MTV and MTV caters towards the younger generation, Robert Pattinson will win. He can't act. He has a funny looking nipple. Yet somehow, he will win for Best Male Performance.
Damn you MTV.

Best Comedic Performance NominationsBen Stiller (Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian)
Bradley Cooper (The Hangover)
Ryan Reynolds (The Proposal)
Sandra Bullock (The Proposal)
Zach Galifianakis (The Hangover)

Who Should Win
Again, another category that I haven't seen any of these movies, however my vote goes towards either of The Hangover performances. I'm sure either one of them deserves to win this moonman.

Who Will Win
Either Bradley Cooper or Zach Galifianankis.

Global Superstar NominationsDaniel Radcliffe
Johnny Depp
Kristen Stewart
Robert Pattinson
Taylor Lautner

Who Should Win
Another of MTV's WTF categories. Global Superstar? What does that even mean? If we're talking about "Global Superstars" shouldn't there be a more diverse list of actors? Are the nominations based on whether you can recognize them in another country? I'm not even sure how to pick the winner for this category!

I guess I'm just going to take a wild guess, and go with Johnny Depp. He's been around since I was a kid, so he has to be a "Global Superstar." Right?

Who Will Win
Like I said, I'm still confused on the qualifications of "Global Superstar" but since Robert Pattinson has one funny looking nipple, I'm sure he's going to win.

MTV Movie Awards Part 2

The movie awards just finished, and I'm left feeling a little disappointed. I think I just lost two hours of my life watching this crap. Who the f*#$ votes on these categories anyhow? Obviously this isn't the Grammy's, but this was a little ridiculous tonight.

For starters, The Twilight Saga one in every category they were nominated for, which isn't really fair seeing that in many categories they were nominated twice. Hey MTV, why don't we even the playing field and say only one nomination per category per movie? I'm just throwing out the suggestion.

Anyways, here were the winners from tonight:

Best Fight: Beyonce Knowles vs. Ali Larter (Obsessed)
Best Kiss: Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson (The Twilight Saga: New Moon)
WTF Moment: Ken Jeong (The Hangover)
Scared the Shit Out of Me Moment: Amanda Seyfriend (Jennifer's Body)
Breakout Star: Anna Kendrick (Up in the Air)
Best Female Performance: Kristen Stewart (The Twilight Saga: New Moon)
Best Male Performance: Robert Pattinson (The Twilight Saga: New Moon)
Global Superstar: Robert Pattinson
Best Villain: Tom Felton (Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince)
Biggest Bad Ass Star: Rain (Ninja Assassin)
Best Comedic Performance: Zach Galifianakis (The Hangover)
Best Movie: The Twilight Saga: New Moon
Well, I got 7 out of 12 categories correct, which is actually embarrassing because I already knew that Twilight was going to win every award tonight. I remember when the MTV Movie Awards were entertaining, what happened?

Personally, I'm still a little confused about the Global Superstar Award. What the f&*# makes someone a global superstar? More importantly, why do they deserve a separate award for being recognized around the world? Does that have anything to do with actual movies, or the fact that Robert Pattinson has probably appeared in every copy of Tiger Beat for the last 2 years? Does that make him a global superstar?