Dog Faced Gremlin

I haven't talked about the Dog Faced Gremlin on my blog, and for good reason (she's a soul sucking leech that deserves a life of misery). For those who don't know, the Dog Faced Gremlin is the nickname Bruce gave my ex-girlfriend after our breakup. It's one of those relationships that you hold your head down in shame that you even dated the person. Besides the Dog Faced Gremlin, the thing I formally dated has many other colorful names, such as Leech and the Whore from Hell.

I haven't seen her since the breakup, though Wissachickon and Diddy have run into her several times. Usually the encounter consists of Dog Faced Gremlin realizing they are in close proximity, and her turning around and running out the door. Momma Dukes saw the Dog Faced Gremlin, Dirty Snatch (her sister), and their obnoxious mother, Diarrhea Spleen at Target and was able to witness Diarrhea Spleen's credit card be denied at Target. I wish I was there to witness such an amazing scene of human failure.

Since I rarely see the skank, I revel when Wissachickon or Diddy run into her and make her extremely uncomfortable. I always find their stories entertaining, and the most recent event made me want to shit my pants in laughter. Wissachickon is a manager at Hot Topic, and has run into Dog Faced Gremlin several times over the last few years. On Wednesday, while completing a transaction with Random Douche-bag, she asked for his rewards card. Douche-bag responds to the question, that he doesn't have his card by he "has his girlfriend's card. Well she actually isn't my girlfriend, more like just the girl carrying my baby."

Random Douche-bag presents his rewards card to Wissachickon, and low and behold who's card is it...Dog Faced Gremlin's! To further confirm the story, I did some Facebook Stalking and was finally able to find the skank's aunt's blog, which had an entry posted about Dog Faced Gremlin peeing on a stick. Dog Faced Gremlin is pregnant with some form of mutant baby spawn/unbaptized baby that I enjoyed destroying in Dante's Inferno. 

I have the urge to do a happy dance.

Achievements

In what appeared to be act of extreme genius, with the release of Xbox 360 also came the ideas of the Gamertag and Achievements. For those of you who aren't familiar with video games, a Gamertag is your gamer name in the land of video games. Think of it as the equivalent of an AIM name only you sign on under your Gamertag to keep track of your game achievements and save files. You can also play online under your Gamertag.

The Gamertag also keeps track of any achievements you have accomplished during a video game and gives you a score for the achievement. For example, to receive the Bad Nanny achievement in Dante's Inferno, you simply have to kill 20 Unbaptized Babies. In doing so, you receive 10 points towards your Gamer Score.

For a perfectionist like myself, achievements are a Catch 22. First, it's a way to acknowledge that you have accomplished a specific goal, such as defeating a secret enemy or beating a game. It also becomes a way of bragging to other players that you were able to find all of the holy relics or secret characters in a game. The major problem with achievements is the introduction of online achievements. For example, Fable III has about five achievements which require you to play online. For example, Cross-Dimensional Conception requires you to have a child with another Xbox Live player.

I have and never will have a desire to play a video game with a complete stranger who lives in East Bumblefuck. Why should my Gamer Score be effected by whether or not to play online. Of course, the real reason Microsoft devised this sneaky plan was in hopes that players like myself would be suckered into actually paying for a membership. A silver membership is free to everyone and allows you to download content from the internet and view your friends Gamertag and Gamer Score, however a gold membership is required to actually play with your friends online. The gold membership used to cost $50 for the year, but recently the price went up.