Facebook Statuses 1

Over the summer, I came across a website called Failbook, which are status updates and comments uploaded by people from Facebook. What makes the sight so fantastic, is that even if there is a chance that the status updates are fake, you know somewhere in this country, somebody has put a similar status update on their Facebook and was never caught.

My personal favorites:

Status: In dark places and dark times your strength and will is tested i failed and IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN!A i cant change the past or make it better all i know is im better than the person i was no matter what you think!

Comment: I don't really think so

Comment: no matter what ignorant people think i have faith in you. And always remember you only have to make yourself happy. You are and always will be a strong beautiful woman.

Comment: um she fucked my boyfriend. how is that strong and beautiful? thats fucking low and trashy

Status: i was on the kitchen counter using the sweepin brush to masturbate and my dad walked in! OMG and i got such a fright i hopped up off the counter without thinking and impaled myself on the broom! i tore my vaginal sphinkter and im gonna be in the hospital for the next 5 days!

Status: so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out i don't know here name, she went thru my phone and found out text convo where her name was brunette #4

Status: Just found a trash bag full of dildos, strap-ons, empty bottles of lube and vodka, and about 30 empty packs of blunt wraps on the side of the highway 10 feet from a dead deer while doing my Community Service, somebody had a wild night I just hope the deer wasn't involved in it!

Status: I think my bunny is in labor :) yay baby bunnies

Comment: Don't they lay eggs??

Comment: are you serious?

Comment: Like turtles that's what I got told

Comment: ONLY IN MARCH...

Comment: Ohh

Comment: omg! Bunny rabbits have babies out of their bunny vagina are you dumb?

Comment: Fuck no need to be that rude. That's just what I got told by a few people that's why there's Easter eggs

Status: does not want to work today...

Manager: That's funny, because we were just thinking about firing you

Status (Mother): getting ready to go molest my hubby! and hopefully get a good night's sleep, 5:30 is going to come fast

Mother: molested my hubby last night...unfortunately he is working tonight so it looks like it will be awhile for me. Have fun...night

Daughter #1: Why did I add you?!?!?! I can't unsee this!!!

Comment: I have very similar plans here at my house! :D

Daughter #2: Dear Mother - I do not go posting information regarding my sexual escapades for you to see on Facebook. Please have the heart to do the same for your children. Sincerely, Your Daughter

Brother:...and your brother!

Status: OMG i have a modeling interview tomorrow at 4:30. EEEEEEEP! im so excited. Everybody wish me luck. Cuz i get money for it. :) excitement is overpowering my hunger. Going to the movies with Jonathan to see Grown-Ups. Look out Corydon, here comes a model. Oh, and Michael it's over. Your not my type right now. I made a mistake last night.

Michael: good luck with ur thingy majig

Seven Strange Museums

The Museum of Bad Art
Founded in 1993, the Museum of Bad Art is the world's only museum dedicated to the collection, preservation, exhibition and celebration of bad art in all forms. Their mission: to bring the worse of art to the widest of audiences. With a collection of more than 400 pieces between two museums in Dedham Square and Somerville, Massachusetts, the museums give new meaning to "can't color between the lines."

The Mutter Museum
The Mutter Museum is a science museum located in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The medical museum features medical oddities, wax models, and antique equipment. Among the more famous displays are a preserved nine-foot long colon full of fecal matter (ew), a growth taken from Lincoln's assassin, and a woman whose remains turned to soap.

Vibrator Museum and Masturbation Hall of Fame
Perhaps the most erotic museum on the list, this San Francisco museum displays ancient products originally designed to help women fight hysteria. As one of the first five products to use AC power, the vibrator has a long history and the museum would like to shed some light on the practices of women's darkened bedrooms. In addition to a collection of vibrators, there are also plenty of modern toys to help anyone and everyone with their sexual frustrations.

Icelandic Phallological Museum
The Icelandic Phallacological Museum boasts a penis or penis parts from just about every mammal and sea creature indigenous to Iceland. Come on America, where is our phallus museum?

British Lawnmower Museum
Year after year, people go out to purchase lawnmowers so that they may keep their lawn crisp and presentable. But a good portion of those people don't know the history behind the lawnmower and possibly don't care. If you do care, then there's a museum for you in Great Britain.  The British Lawnmower Museum holds more than 200 specimens of this ever-important machine for the lawn junkie.

Leeds Castle Dog Collar Museum
Everyone loves their pets. A pet museum might be interesting, but a museum dedicated to dog collars, not so much. The Leeds Cast Dog Collar Museum, located in London, offers more than 100 specimens that range from Medieval times to the Victorian Age.

Burlesque Hall of Fame
Located between Los Angeles and Las Vegas on Route 66, the Burlesque Hall of Fame features burlesque displays and holds annual fundraising events for a wide audience. Their mission is to inspire, educate and entertain the public, fostering an understanding of the history and heritage of classic burlesque, including the art, artifacts, and personal histories of its brightest stars.

Seven Bizarre Sex World Records

World's Largest Penis - 13.5 inches
Jonah Falcon holds the record for largest penis, measuring at 13.5 inches (34 cm) in length and 6.25 inches (16 cm) in circumference...and that's not even an erect penis.

World's Largest Vagina - 19 inches
Anna Swan (1846-1888) was born normal size, but began to grow at an astonishing rate, reaching a maximum height of 7'8" at the age of 19. On June 18, 1879, she gave birth to largest baby in history, weighing 26 lbs and measured 34 inches in length. The child did not survive the birth, but a cast was made and displayed at the Cleveland Museum of Heath. Normally, the head is the largest part of an infant's body, with this baby's head measuring around 19 inches (48 cm) in circumference.

World's Biggest Distance for a Jet of Semen - 18.75 feet
Horst Schultz actually holds the record for greatest distance (18.75 feet/6 meters), the greatest height (12.33 feet) and the greatest speed of ejaculation (42.7 mph).

World's Oldest Prostitute - 82 years old
Tai Pei is the oldest living, working prostitute at 82 years old. Chiu went into the business about 40 years ago, after a man she had lived with for two decades died. She stays in business by charging ten or twenty times less than other prostitutes.

World's Biggest Gang Bang - 919 guys in the same day
Lisa Sparxxx had sex with 919 guys in a single day, setting the world record during Eroticon 2004, a Polish convention that celebrates exactly what its title suggests, as part of the Third Annual world Gangbang Championship.

World's Longest Man Masturbation - 10 hours
Masanobu Sato attended the 2009 World Masturbate-a-thon held by the Center for Sex & Culture in San Francisco, and set the world record for longest session, by masturbating for 9 hours and 58 minutes. In 2008, he set the record with 9 hours and 33 minutes.

World's Strongest Vagina - Able to lift 31 pounds
Tatiata Kozhevnikova, a 42 year old Russian woman is able to lift 31 pounds (14 kilograms) worth of weights.