Facebook Statuses 1

Over the summer, I came across a website called Failbook, which are status updates and comments uploaded by people from Facebook. What makes the sight so fantastic, is that even if there is a chance that the status updates are fake, you know somewhere in this country, somebody has put a similar status update on their Facebook and was never caught.

My personal favorites:

Status: In dark places and dark times your strength and will is tested i failed and IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN!A i cant change the past or make it better all i know is im better than the person i was no matter what you think!

Comment: I don't really think so

Comment: no matter what ignorant people think i have faith in you. And always remember you only have to make yourself happy. You are and always will be a strong beautiful woman.

Comment: um she fucked my boyfriend. how is that strong and beautiful? thats fucking low and trashy

Status: i was on the kitchen counter using the sweepin brush to masturbate and my dad walked in! OMG and i got such a fright i hopped up off the counter without thinking and impaled myself on the broom! i tore my vaginal sphinkter and im gonna be in the hospital for the next 5 days!

Status: so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out i don't know here name, she went thru my phone and found out text convo where her name was brunette #4

Status: Just found a trash bag full of dildos, strap-ons, empty bottles of lube and vodka, and about 30 empty packs of blunt wraps on the side of the highway 10 feet from a dead deer while doing my Community Service, somebody had a wild night I just hope the deer wasn't involved in it!

Status: I think my bunny is in labor :) yay baby bunnies

Comment: Don't they lay eggs??

Comment: are you serious?

Comment: Like turtles that's what I got told

Comment: ONLY IN MARCH...

Comment: Ohh

Comment: omg! Bunny rabbits have babies out of their bunny vagina are you dumb?

Comment: Fuck no need to be that rude. That's just what I got told by a few people that's why there's Easter eggs

Status: does not want to work today...

Manager: That's funny, because we were just thinking about firing you

Status (Mother): getting ready to go molest my hubby! and hopefully get a good night's sleep, 5:30 is going to come fast

Mother: molested my hubby last night...unfortunately he is working tonight so it looks like it will be awhile for me. Have fun...night

Daughter #1: Why did I add you?!?!?! I can't unsee this!!!

Comment: I have very similar plans here at my house! :D

Daughter #2: Dear Mother - I do not go posting information regarding my sexual escapades for you to see on Facebook. Please have the heart to do the same for your children. Sincerely, Your Daughter

Brother:...and your brother!

Status: OMG i have a modeling interview tomorrow at 4:30. EEEEEEEP! im so excited. Everybody wish me luck. Cuz i get money for it. :) excitement is overpowering my hunger. Going to the movies with Jonathan to see Grown-Ups. Look out Corydon, here comes a model. Oh, and Michael it's over. Your not my type right now. I made a mistake last night.

Michael: good luck with ur thingy majig