I seem to have found myself in a pickle. Obviously, I'm not fond of my father, especially after our last conversation when I called him to tell him that I was engaged. It didn't go exactly as planned.
Me: Hey dad. I was just calling to give you some good news.
Dave: Yea.
Me: I got engaged last week.
Dave: Really. Did you hear your grandparents have my truck?
My dilemma is whether or not to invite the man to our wedding. If he's invited to the wedding, then chances are he'll bring his three-headed beast of a girlfriend Dawn with him, which could cause tension/fighting between Devil-Beast and my mom. Additionally, if he is invited, then I have to deal with the awkward moments, such as the slim possibility that he may want to do the whole "father-daughter dance" (which will occur over my dead body) or having to deal with awkward hugs from him after he has way too much to drink.
On the other hand, if he doesn't get invited, chances are he'll crash the wedding and just show up uninvited. He actually showed up to my college graduation in 2004, after my grandparents told him the date (and I believe even drove him to the ceremony). Of course, I got the last laugh by not inviting them to my graduation in 2005, when I received my Master's Degree (definitely didn't want a repeat of the previous graduation). What the hell am I going to do if he does show up? The last thing I want to do is get pissed off on my wedding day.
Obviously, I'll run into a whole separate problem by not inviting him: how do I get around not inviting him while inviting his siblings/parents to the wedding? I'm sure that conversation would go over well: hey Pops, I'm not inviting your son because he's a deadbeat. I'm sure they would really love that.
As wrong as it sounds, if I do invite him to the wedding, he may feel obligated to help pay for the wedding and may just make the whole situation easier by not speaking to me until after the wedding is planned, payed for, and perhaps even over.
Here's the almighty question: Do I invite him or do I not invite him?
My advice would be not to invite him. I felt similarly about my Mother, and 6 months later now that I'm not speaking to her, I regret having invited her. Ask Jackie and Vicki, they had to bring me down from tears after the woman threw a temper tantrum in the bridal suite.
ReplyDeleteI don't know too much of the back story (and am not trying to pry) but the general impression I get is that your Dad sucks. You didn't invite him to the previous "most important day of your life" (your college graduation) because you really didn't want him there. Do you want to spend this next "most important day" worrying about him, or what trouble he (and his girlfriend) may cause? Also, based on his reaction to your engagement alone, I would be surprised if he offered to help pay.
If you do decide not to invite him, you may have to not invite his parents, since they helped him crash your graduation. At the least, make it explicitly clear to them that he is not invited, and you do not want them to tell him the when and where (let alone bring him).
Worst case, the venue will probably have people admitting guests into the wedding festivities, and make sure they know he is not invited. It can be their job to escort him out should he show up unwelcome, and with any luck you won't know a thing about it until after when they tell you they kicked him out.
Ok, I guess *absolute* worst case you could file a restraining order. :P
But, that's just my $.02. :)
And, I can tell you that there are plenty of other people who *are* excited, and very happy for you and Rachel! :D
I say invite who you REALLY want to be there. I can understand no Dad. But how about his parents? Have they been loving and supportive? Just because you are related to someone does not EVER mean they have to be invited to anything.
ReplyDeleteIt's your (and Rachel's) special day. Only special people get invited.
Weddings are stressful enough.
And if anyone asks, you can just say, Whoops! I Forgot!