A Turtle Utopia

In the last decade, the government has showed that they are incapable of making decisions. While observing a small tribe of box turtles in a small lake outside of Sicklerville, I witnessed the turtles organizing themselves and making decisions. This group of turtles had been working together to rebuild a small log by using toothpicks, clumps of old cereal, and a hair “scrunchie” that was from the 1980’s. Instead of having a government run by a bunch of humans, the citizens of this country should overthrow the humans and allow box turtles to make all of our decisions. Box turtles will be able to make new bridges and roads, balance the budget through inter-species money, and will make wonderful pets in everyone’s home.

 

It is a proven fact that box turtles are excellent builders. Have you seen the amazing piece of work known as Stonehedge in England? How about the Ben Franklin Bridge in Pennsylvania? I’m sure you have tasted an excellent Big Mac and fries at McDonalds. Are you aware that all of these creations were invented by box turtles? If they can invent the Big Mac, then imagine how they can improve our bridges and roads. Our society could become advanced after box turtles in construction outfits make sturdy bridges using everyday items, such as the strings from hoodies and old folders.

 

Furthermore, box turtles have already established a monetary system using various types of lettuce that have been aged to perfection, rather than the old-fashioned way of using paper money. Our society could barter and trade using lettuce. Could you imagine a world where you could trade 10 pieces of fresh lettuce and 2 pieces of yesterday’s lettuce for a hunk of ham and some Spanish rice? Lettuce money could even be marketed with a trendy slogan, such as “Lettuce Be Friends.”

 

Statistics show that 98.9% of the people surveyed in the United States, think that having a box turtle government is a horrible idea, because the turtles would have to give up their way of life in the wooded areas that surround our homes. Instead of residing at obscure locations, such as the large pine needle tree next to your apartment building, box turtles could live inside of our houses. We could feed, bathe, and snuggle our new governmental leaders! Imagine a world, where every kid’s first pet was a political leader!

 

In conclusion, our government needs to be revamped into a higher order of thinking society. Box turtles should take over our country, perhaps even the world. Children around the country would no longer live in a petless society, since every child would receive a pet box turtle to care for in their own homes. Box turtles could help fix our bridges and roads using items that humans would think of as garbage. Let’s fix our country! Vote for a turtle, not a human in the upcoming presidential election.