He is Risen

Before I even begin, I just want to make it clear that I am in no ways bashing any religions in this entry. I just find church signs and messages so humorous and felt the need to share my thoughts. Around the corner from my childhood home, there is a church that has always gone out of its way to offend as many people as possible. The sign frequently changes, I'm convince they have a wheel in the back of the church to determine who they will offend that week. Recently, the sign has read something different about homosexuality on a weekly basis.

I was struck by a sense of discomfort over the weekend, when I passed it and noticed the sign actually read something non-offensive, "He is Risen". I was actually a little disappointed that I didn't say "God Hates Fags" or "Marriage is between a Man and a Woman." During my ride home, I became engrossed with the number of grammatical errors in this sentence, especially since it's such a common phrase amongst the church-goers.

For starters, there is the punctuation in the sentence. Why is risen capitalized? I kept picturing a random conversation between two friends at a party discussing someone across the hall. (What can I say, I am easily amused).

Tom: Who's that across the room?
John: Oh, him? He is Risen.
Tom: What a funny name.
John: I know. I sometimes like to call him Rising.

The other major problem with this sentence is the incorrect usage of verb tenses. There are only three words in the sentence and two different verb tenses. It's an English teacher's nightmare. When one uses the word "is" in a sentence, it refers to something that is occurring in the present. For example, the sentence "Gerald is sleeping" is in the present tense, since that's exactly what he's doing. "Risen," on the other hand, is in the past tense. A normal person wouldn't use the past tense to talk about something that is occurring in the present, it's just too weird.

In order to correct this grammaticality challenged sentence, one must find some answers first. Did this rising occur within the last few hours or did it happen a few months ago? Are we supposed to worship this Risen person? If so, I would like to know a little more about him before I start my worshiping skills. Perhaps Risen can write an autobiography to tell us about his life story, though I do hope he uses a good editor so future mistakes can be prevented. I'd rather not spend my drive home analyzing a religious phrase, I would much rather listen to the radio or try to eat spaghetti and meatballs with a fork than have to do this again.