Noob

When my parents were going through their nasty fighting prior to the divorce of the century, I coped by playing video games. They would be fighting in the other room while I was trying to save the princess. It was a great way to detoxify myself from the stress of the parental arguments. Over the years, I used video games as my way of coping with all configurations of stress.

Of course, Sperm Donor tried to use this to his advantage by giving me a Sega for Christmas the same year Momma Dukes gave me a Super Nintendo for the same holiday. Momma Dukes made sure that I had plenty of amazing Super Nintendo games to accompany my new system, such as Super Mario World, Zelda: Link to the Past, Donkey Kong Country, and Tecmo Super Bowl III. Sperm Donor only got me one game, which came with the system, Sonic the Hedgehog, which I had already beaten countless times at his house during our lame-ass visitation adventures.

The first system that I actually purchased with my own money was the PlayStation 2, during my junior year at Rowan University. After battling another mysterious allergic reaction (which I later found out was being caused by Old Navy clothes) and purchasing a lemon car from a former family friend, I used my college refund money to purchase a PlayStation 2 and Kingdom Hearts. Kingdom Hearts was the first game that really exposed me to the idea of "difficulty levels."

The current generation of video games released have difficulty levels, which obviously make the game more difficult as the levels increase. Depending on the game, difficulty levels can change how much experience you gain for defeating an enemy to how hard it is to actually defeat the enemy.

I have always preferred to play games on the easiest level possible, not because I don't want the challenge of beating difficult enemies, but more on the lines that I want to play through the game for the story. Additionally, if I'm trying to relax and destress myself, why the hell would I want to become more stressed out from being attacked by a gazillion enemies at once? Personally, it defeats the purpose of relaxing.

There are two major problems with playing a game on easy. The first major problem is the developer's perception of what is considered easy. Recently, I started playing The Darksiders, in which you adopt the role of War, a warrior who is supposed to protect the world from impending war between Heaven and Hell. Of course war breaks out between the two sides, the human race is wiped out, and the entire war is blamed on War. After playing through the first three quarters of the game on easy, I encountered a portion of the game which can only be defined as Apocalyptic Hell. After defeating wave after wave of enemies, with no energy refills, you are then thrust into a ridiculous puzzle of moving two stone statues onto three platforms, causing the platforms to raise and lower. In order to get to the very top of the room where the door is located, you have to raise/lower the platforms in a specific order while timing your jumps so that you can land on the top of a platform as it is raising. Confused yet? Don't worry, it gets better.

After finally reaching the top of the room, you enter the next door, still needing an energy refill, only to find behind the door is boss level, in which you have to fight the second Guardian in the game. After dieing one too many times against him, I finally beat him through sheer luck. The defeat of the Guardian releases a stream of magical light back to the room with the stupid ass platforms. Each of the platforms in the room has a mirror on the bottom of the platform, which are needed to reflect the beam of light onto the opposite wall at the top to open another door. Do you know how fucking impossible it was to reposition the three platforms to reflect the light?

Instead of lowering my stress level, the game caused my stress to go out the roof, resulting in my brain exploding as I was on the verge of throwing my controller across the room and kicking the television. I think I even gave the platforms the finger several times in complete frustration. After wasting several hours of my life playing a game that was supposed to be relaxing, I threw in the towel out of sheer fear that Rachel was going to take my Xbox away.

The concept of difficulty levels also causes a second problem, a profound cockiness between gamers. Once someone realizes that you play games on easy level, they turn into ass munchers and have to start throwing the word "noob" around. A noob is a term derived from the video game world meaning someone who is new at a game and is horrible at it but is not willing to learn and does not acknowledge the fact.

I am not a noob. Unlike many gamers, I have a life outside of video games and I know that if I don't get through a level it's not the end of the world. I play to relax, not to boast about my achievements. I enjoy earning achievements on Xbox 360, but it's not my sole purpose in life. More importantly, I take achievements as a personal accomplishment. More like a reminder that I accomplished a certain goal in a game, such as defeating a secret boss or collecting all of the unlockable characters in a game.

I also have no problem accepting defeat when a game is ridiculously hard, such as The Darksiders level that I just ranted about. When I realize that I can't get through a level or find the perfect strategy to defeating a boss, I have no problem turning to the internet. During the Apocalyptic Hell level, Rachel thought it was humorous that I had a Youtube video and a strategy guide up on my computer in a last ditch attempt to get through the level.

Moral of the story - I'm not a noob.