Seven Cancelled Television Shows

Alf
Alf was an endearing story about a furry alien from Melmac and his adventures with an Earth family and was a favorite of the 80s. Alf was suddenly canceled after a season ending cliffhanger. Why? To scare small children. The series ended with everyone's favorite space alien being surrounded by soldiers with guns and captured by the government to be experimented on, dissected and turned into a mutated killing machine. Children around the country gasped as Alf was captured and they were left with their imaginations as to what happened. I ams ure a few were in denial and thought the government made Alf a citizen who is now governing the state of California, but everyone else know that his next role was as dead alien #2 on X-Files.

Jon and Kate Plus 8
America watched as Kate Gosselin verbally and sometimes physically, beat her husband into submission, all the while exploiting her eight children in exchange for free passes to various zoos and vacation spots. It seemed everyone had an opinion on Kate's harsh demeanor and felt sorry for poor Jon and the kids. Suddenly, the tabloids started filling with pictures of a not-so-happy couple and it culminated in a public declaration of divorce only a few episodes after the happy couple renewed their vows in Hawaii. Why was this cult classic cancelled? America can only take one douchebag at a time. We could only handle hating Kate, but when we found out Jon was a total piece of crap as well, we could only choke down as much bile as once. On the bright side, Kate came back with her own show practically guaranteeing her and her eight little rug rats 15 more minutes of vomit inducing fame.

Law and Order
After 20 seasons, this progenitor of police dramas was put out to pasture. We watched as they tackled cases ripped from the headlines and episodes of Forensic Files all the while getting to know the emotional trials and tribulations of the detectives and prosecutors. Why was the show cancelled? It's original audience all died of old age. Thankfully, criminals were able to think of thousands of ways to kill people so Law and Order never ran out of ideas, but they were running out of actors. The series had gone through so many cast changes over the years, the only original member was the guy that drove the catering truck. The audience that originally started watching the series in their infancy were now celebrating bowel movements in nursing homes across the country. The series just couldn't bring in new viewers faster than the old ones were dying off.

Fear Factor
As proof that people will do anything for money, Fear Factor pitted contestants against each other in stunts designed to disgust and scare the hell out of them. They were forced to lay down with snakes and bugs, eat bull penis and squid eyes and rummage around rancid fish guts as America watched unable to turn away from this car-crash-like entertainment. Why was the show of icky-nastiness cancelled? A desensitized America. People have been saying for years that violence on television is making us desensitized and the same can be said of eating raw animal testicles. You can only watch people eating various types of penises for so long, before it goes from "ewww" to "eh." In a world where people attend testicles festivals and pay hundreds of dollars for a few ounces of raw fish eggs, this show's shock and awe factor passed faster than the bull penis.

Ghost Whisperer
Jennifer Love Hewitt starred as a small town antique store owner and psychic able to see and hear the dead. She worked to settle their Earthly problems so they could move on to the great beyond all the while defeating the forces of evil. Audiences tuned in to see her cleavage and superior acting talent. Alright, just the cleavage. Why was Jennifer Love Hewitt's Cleavage Power Hour cancelled? Gravity. Poor Jennifer. Gravity has taken a toll on her humongous melons and they're no longer the eye catchers they once were. Pretty soon she'll be hitting them with her knees when she runs and smothering small children during innocent hugs. Without the draw of her boobs and the fact that anything with Jamie Kennedy will suck, Ghost Whisper must find its own way to cross over or live on in perky syndication.

I'm a Celebrity - Get Me Out of Here
A reality television series that dropped a bunch of random "celebrities" in the middle of a jungle in a lame copy of Survivor. With guests like Stephen Baldwin and Heidi Montag, this show was scraping the bottom of the "celebrity" barrel and America watched hoping to see humiliation and a possible mental breakdown. Why was this show cancelled? No one wanted them to get out of there. who really cared that Janice Dickinson was stuck in a jungle? We wanted a show called "You're Annoying Stay in the Jungle, Preferably with a Tiger." If the networks really wanted this show to go on, they would have managed to give Dickinson malaria and have Baldwin attacked by a rabid monkey. I would have sat down with some popcorn, a refreshing drink and tuned in every week.

American Gladiators Old and New
What can be more entertaining than fit, athletic people competing against their gargantuan, athletic ogres in games I could play at summer camp? American Gladiators has had two runs at a series and audiences shriveled for both faster than a pair of gladiator testicles. There haven't been this many bulging veins since half price day at the methadone clinic. Why was this show cancelled? Negative impact on the drug war. There were so many steroids being pumped on that show it fueled the drug trade for years. The government finally had to crack down and stop the show or fear a complete global takeover by Columbian drug cartels.