Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

In August of 2009, Rachel and I moved into a two bedroom apartment located in The Langmore, a historical building located in Mullica Hill. Our apartment came with hardwood floors, a porch/balcony, and a garage. Our landlord Mark, can only be explained as Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, since one minute he is pleasant with a touch of goofy and the next minute he is grouchy, as if someone shoved something up his pooper and he can’t get it out.

During the tour of the building and lease signing, we dealt with Dr. Jekyll. The man was eager to please, willing to negotiate the price of the nonrefundable cat deposit, going from his original asking price of $750 to $250. Of course it wasn’t until after we had already signed the lease, that Mr. Hyde came out.

First, there was the problem with the fridge. Prior to the move, Rachel and I came to the empty apartment and scrubbed the place from the floorboards to the ceiling. Rachel soon realized there was a huge problem with the fridge. Since the previous tenants had left the fridge/freezer doors closed with no electricity, it began to grow mold. The seal on the freezer had been broken and the mold spread into it. Originally, Mark agreed to have the fridge replaced, but then backed out on his agreement. He then said he would have a cleaning crew come out, but failed to even do that. At this point, we had been living in the apartment for about a month and been using two mini-fridges. Finally, after going back and forth about the fridge, he finally replaced it.

Roughly a month after replacing the fridge, the ceiling above the shower began to leak. Imagine the horror of taking a shower and brown water dropping on your forehead when you're about to get out. I called Mr. Hyde, who explained that it was normal for old buildings to leak from time to time and “not to worry about it.”

Let me get this straight, I’m not supposed to worry that there is water dripping from the ceiling that looks and smells like rancid diarrhea? Within days of the initial leak, the ceiling began to rain. About seven or eight different spots in the ceiling began to leak, then the walls started. Again, we made more phone calls, and even called the plumber. This only made Mr. Hyde even more angry, until the problem was finally fixed. (Turns out that the apartment above us had a leaking shower faucet and failed to say anything about it. The water leaked into the caulking of her tub, leaked into the walls, and eventually dripped into our bathroom).

Rachel and I decided we would only call Mark on emergency situations, and have only had to deal with him a handful of times since the tub incident. When I learned of my layoff, our neighbors, Rich and Kim, moved out and Mark had put up a notice for a one bedroom apartment for rent. Rachel and I jumped on the opportunity, since it would save us roughly $150 a month in rent. We made arrangements with Mark, with us moving into the new apartment by July 15th and new tenants moving into our apartment by late July. Prior to the move he wanted to have lots of work done on both apartments, such as the electric (changing the fuse boxes into circuit breakers), painting both apartments (the new apartment has a fire engine red dining room and black bathroom), and replacing the sink and vanity in our current apartment.

In early July, Rachel and I were both at work, when he entered our apartment unannounced. (In NJ, there are laws protecting tenants, such as landlord needing to give 24 hours notice before entering an apartment alone). Rachel and I had been extremely busy that week, and our place had become “a little” messy. Mr. Hyde had the nerve to leave a note in our bathroom sink that our cats smelled!

I’m sorry…excuse me! You weren’t even supposed to be in our apartment!

In early July, Mark gave Stephanie and her daughter, the tenants to our apartment, a tour of our place, Since we had notice of the tour, Rachel and I scrubbed the apartment from top to bottom. We made sure that every nook and cranny had been cleaned. Mark made no mention of any “funny” smells from our apartment until weeks later when he talked to Rachel on the phone about replacing the sink and vanity (which is a whole other story). Of course, in typical Mark style, he tells Rachel that our apartment smelled like cat box when he gave Stephanie the tour, and that we would have to pay a new deposit for the new apartment.

Rachel was already having a stressful day, which included her coming home from work early from being sick, and the last think she needed was Mr. Hyde getting her more stressed about the cats. During the work being done yesterday, I had to deal with Mark twice, luckily he was in a Dr. Jekyll mood. Not only did he show me the new paint job in the apartment, he also told me that the cat deposit would be waived.

I’ve come to the conclusion that Mark hates Rachel. To him, being able to tell her “No” about something evokes the same feelings as a five year old boy on Christmas who just opened his dream gift. On the other hand, if I ask him the same question (or even question his judgment) he jumps for joy for me.

Which brings me to Golden Rule #5:
Golden Rule 5: Unless I’m physically unable to speak, Rachel is not allowed to have any communication with our landlord. This also includes allowing her phone to go straight to voicemail when he calls.