The wedding was fantastic. So fantastic, that I have the urge to write an acrostic poem about the wedding:
Freakishly amazing.
Affection for friends and family.
Never a dull moment!
Tenderhearted toasts
Adoration for my wife.
Splendiferous neck wear
Terrific cake.
Incredible conversations.
Cherished moments.
Highlights of the wedding
The Vows - Rachel and I wrote our own vows the week before the wedding. We actually found some ideas online and combined them with what we wanted in the vows. For the most part, we have been doing Rock-Scissor-Paper, to decide on who's the "bride" for various parts of the ceremony, such as walking down the aisle. When it came time to decide on who was the actual bride for "you may now kiss your bride," we were stumped. We didn't find it adequate to battle it out with Rock-Scissor-Paper, so instead we came up with an ingenious idea. My uncle, Larry, performed the ceremony, so when it came to that part, he stopped the ceremony and asked us who was the bride. We both shrugged our shoulders, so he repeated "you may kiss your bride" to each of us. Apparently, it was a success, since several people commented that all of our grandparents looked less stressed after that point.
Reception Entrance - I love Star Wars. Actually, that would be an understatement, more like: I absolutely fucking love Star Wars and am obsessed with being a Jedi. While I wanted lots of Star Wars references in the wedding, Rachel was not keen on the idea. Instead we compromised in the middle, I was allowed to have tons of Star Wars in the reception but none in the actual ceremony. During the traditional reception entrance, each of our attendees walked out the the Star Wars theme while carrying a lightsaber. When Rachel and I entered, we not only entered to the Imperial Death March, but to a military arch of lightsabers to walk under.
Chewbacca - The wedding would not have been complete without a surprise visitor, though we did have two (though I'm not even going into the other visitor, at least not in this entry). After our reception entrance, a six-foot cardboard cut-out of Chewbacca came out to dance the night away and take fantastic pictures with our guests.
Yoda - Our cake was a delicious red velvet cake, complete with Rachel and I made out of Rice Krispy Treats and decorated with frosting. Not only did I have a lego lightsaber in my hands, but a Yoda Pez Dispenser was placed on top, to act as the officiant.
Guest Book - Instead of having a traditional guest book, we decided to think outside the box and asked our guests to fill out a recipe card with their Recipe for a Good Marriage. There were many serious tips for marriage, but also several amusing ones that I thought I would share:
- Don't fuck around.
- No farting in bed.
- Wash your dick.
- Numerous comments about Astro Glide
- Use said Astro Glide at a bus farm
- Be near an outlet.
- Lick your woman's clit using the alphabet. Spell out words.
Uncle Bobby - Not so much a highlight, more like an embarrassment. Uncle Bob, my father's brother, was determined to take a lady home with him. It was downright disgusting, because he must have asked me about everyone woman in the restaurant. At one point, he went through an entire table of my friends to see if any of them were single.
All in all, it was a good night. I wound up with a three day hangover, mainly because we continued drinking the following day with Joanne and then Bloody Marys for breakfast the next morning. On Monday, we traveled Jersey to change my last name on my driver's license and social security card, and opened a joint bank account. Nobody tripped and fell during the wedding, we didn't butcher our vows, and everyone looked fantastic.
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