Jerry Springer

About two weeks ago, my sister called to ask if Rachel and I wanted to take a trip to Connecticut to be a part of the audience of Jerry Springer. The tickets were free, in fact by signing up via email, you actually receive four tickets for the show. Kelly and Johnny didn't realize this when the decided to go, so they wound up with eight tickets. Rachel and I decided that it sounded like an amazing idea, because how many people can say they had the chance to see Jerry Springer live. Diddy, Kelly, Johnny, and our Aunt Kath decided to spend the night in Connecticut and left last night for their hotel. What should have been a three hour trip for them, turned out to be a six hour debacle, thanks mainly from the torrential rain we received in Jersey. A majority of the roads in South Jersey became rivers, along with dozens of roads throughout the state, Rt. 73 also was closed for a majority of the evening. Completely unaware of the highway becoming a river, and the necessity of the road to reach the Turnpike, the four of them were stranded at Mr. Bill's for quite some time.

Around 10 last night, Diddy called me to forewarn her of the difficulties they had with their journey, and advised us to leave much earlier than we had originally planned. As a result, Rachel and I left around 7:30 this morning but didn't face much traffic at all. In fact, the only hiccup we had during our trip was the thunderstorm and heavy rain on the Turnpike, which resulted in me pulling off at a rest stop and handing over the driving to Rachel, since I absolutely hate driving in the rain (mainly due to my two major accidents occurring in rain storms).

We arrived in Stamford at 10:15, but the show we were seeing didn't start until 1 pm. The six of us walked around Stamford for about a half-hour, and then decided to just stand in line for the remainder of the time. Around an hour into the wait, I had the sudden urge to use the bathroom, but we were pretty much stuck because there were no nearby bathrooms, nor could we leave the line because we would probably lose our place in line and our tickets. Instead, I did the pee-pee dance for the next hour, until they finally let us into the theater.

At this point, we had already been waiting for about two hours to even enter the studio building. Apparently the previous show had run late, which I actually found to be a bogus excuse. Luckily, the rain finally stopped while we were waiting outside in line, so we weren't completely drenched before the taping. Eventually, we were led into one of two small audience waiting areas, where we had to wait some more. I was finally able to use the bathroom, though I was starting to get quite hungry. Of course, the tiny little waiting area only had two vending machines, both of which only excepted singles, which we only had two of. Therefore, Rachel and I split a bag of M&M's, while Johnny and Kelly shared something between the two of them.

During our wait in the room, we were able to watch a clip show, from the Springer's 20th anniversary (I know, I can't believe they have been doing the same thing for the last 20 years either). After watching the DVD once, someone came into the room to hit play, which means we watched two hours of the same DVD. Eventually the DVD ended a second time, and a different employee came to press play, but everyone revolted. She eventually changed the DVD to another Springer clip show.

The show was supposed to start at 1, but at 1:45 they finally brought us into the studio. The studio was actually quite tiny, and we were packed into the back of the studio. There was the usual Springer moments, he enters the show by sliding down a stripper poll, plenty of fights, which the audience was told to cheer on, and the usual completely bizarre story lines.

The moment of enlightenment, that made me feel have 100% more self-confidence in myself, was witnessing the "Human Pizza" segment. I don't want to go into too much of the story line, but let's just end this blog with the following scene:

A large woman, about the size of John Candy, stripped down to her bra and panties and proceeded to pour pizza sauce, mozzarella cheese, anchovies, pepperoni, green peppers, and olives all over her body. Then, John Candy's husband, who was also the size of John Candy, then put his nasty, dry lips all over her body and sucked up the pizza contents.