Sasha the Poopsickle

When Rachel and I first moved in together, she gave me a fair warning that Sasha, her ten year old torte cat, was a handful. Sasha is quite the moody cat, she'll love you one minute then stalk your feet the next. If she wants your attention and your not giving it to her, then she will find a way to grab your attention, such as knocking everything off a table or nightstand, howling, or generally annoying the crap out of you until you give her the attention she desires.

Sasha is also obsessed with water and olives, and has been known to knock over unattended glasses to get to some liquid. She has no problem getting her head stuck in a glass, nor does she care what type of beverage is in the cup. If the beverage isn't water, then she just gets the pure enjoyment out of watching the liquid pour onto the table and onto the floor like a river of colored water that isn't so tasty (at least in her eyes). She also has a fascination for dirty martinis, due to her other addiction, olives. We have tried to take her to rehab centers, WAA, BAA, LAA meetings but they have been in vain. She is a whore to the liquid and olive brine is her crack.

Sasha in her natural habitat:
The Bathroom

Rachel tried to give me fair warning, but I dismissed her intelligence and I entered into my relationship with Sasha as her water slave. Since my cats were not to fond of Sasha, I felt pity for her, especially since she was missing a fang in her mouth and has no front claws, it made her open prey for my evil clawed cats. In order to get some peace from Zonks and Gerald, she would come into the bathroom with me for quiet time. I soon realized that you couldn't leave the seat up, since she would  leave tiny, little paw prints on the toilet seat from her drinking from the potty. I then made the dreaded mistake of allowing her to drink from the sink. I say dreaded, because the moment I allowed her to drink from the bathroom sink, she became obsessed and demanding.

At first, she treated her sink water as a special treat from her new favorite human, but this eventually turned into a miniature nightmare, in which she demanded water more and more frequently. What was supposed to be a treat during a shower or potty break, turned into her high tailing it to the bathroom whenever I approached the bathroom. When we moved into the new apartment, this became an even bigger headache since the bathroom is in the center of the apartment and anytime I walked near the room, Sasha would dart into the bathroom, jump on the sink, and start to cry until I came into turn on the water.

Sasha drinking from our old sink

Sasha soon became used to the routine of drinking water from the sink every morning as I got ready for work. I really wouldn't care so much about her water fixation, but it has now began to interfere in my sleeping schedule. Sasha soon realized that there were days of the week that her human water slave did not wake up at 6 am, and would try to sleep in. Instead of letting me sleep in, she began to knock everything off my nightstand until I woke up. When I didn't wake up, she promptly went into the bathroom, hopped in the tub, and took a massive shit in it. Then would promptly come back in the room and try to wake me up again. Before my day even started, she had already taken it upon herself to give me a headache by knocking over all my stuff (breaking my cell phone into several pieces on more than one occasion) and pooping in the tub.

Sasha does share with Gerald
from time to time (but this is rare)

Of course, Sasha only takes her massive tub shits on the mornings when I have the apartment to myself and Rachel is at work, so I have no choice but to clean up her mess myself. This past weekend, Sasha took her poo wars to all time new low, as she not only made a mess of the tub, but the entire bathroom.

On Sunday, Sasha went through her usual routine of trying to wake me up, but I was dead to the world. She promptly went into the bathroom and took a poo in her usual spot, but when she came into the bedroom to try to wake me up, I slept through her morning wake up call. Of course, she knocked over everything on my bed stand and half of Rachel's stuff on her side of the bed. Since that didn't work, Sasha took a second shit on the opposite side of the tub. She then proceeded to try to bury her feces mountain with the shower curtain, got poo all over her little feet and pranced around the bathroom. By the time I woke up Sunday morning at 8, she had covered the bathroom in stinky, rancid, Sasha poo (which by the way, it was the most foul smell I have ever encountered. There's something not normal about that cats bum).

There was shit all over the shower curtain, the liner, the bathroom rug, the toilet, the bathroom sink, and the floor. She even managed to get shit on some of the walls in the bathroom. She covered the entire bathroom in cat poo, but not the rest of the apartment. I'm still trying to figure out how she managed to get it all over one room of the house.

Instead of doing a few chores on Sunday, I had to clean up what appeared to be five pounds of cat shit, replace the shower curtain, liner, and bath mat all while she hid from my view the entire day. When she finally did reemerge, she laid on the back of the futon giving me sad, pitiful eyes that made my heart melt. 

How can you not resist that face?