Praxis

After much inner debate, I finally broke down and signed up for the Middle School Science Praxis II exam back in September. After being RIFed last May and rehired in July, I made the decision that I would not be put in a situation like that again. Up until recently, I was qualified to teach Social Studies, Language Arts, and Math at the middle school level (I learned last month that this only applies to my Special Education Certification). After lots of procrastinating, I finally opened up a science textbook to study last night (the night before the exam).

At 7:30 this morning I was at Rowan with my #2 pencils ready to slaughter this exam. After sitting in a room built for no more than 40 people max with well over 200 people in it, I finally find out what room my exam is in. Of course, it's in a different building, so the minute I find out where my test is, I bolt out the room before Mr. Lead Proctor is finished giving out room assignments. As I'm leaving, Lead Proctor makes a comment that he hasn't dismissed anyone at this point, which I don't care. Personally, they handle the testing situation all wrong. I'm sure there are plenty of other ways in which to notify 200+ people where there test is. For example, how about posting on Rowan's website or even outside of Robinson Hall. The fact that they try to cram that many people in one small room is absurd.

Middle School Science, General Science, Theater, and an administration test with an acronym that can only mean I Am The Spaghetti God, are all in the same room. The proctor is a middle aged strange little dude with black fingernails and a personality that you only hear of in psychology text books. The only person taking the I Am The Spaghetti God can't find her classroom (which was ours, but nobody realized it due to the acronym).
Before the test began, she came in to ask if this was the room for the Spaghetti God test, which Bizarre Proctor tells her no, that it's only the General Science test. Bizarre Proctor, please check your tests before you start turning people away. I Am The Spaghetti God testee returns again to ask once more if he knew where the test was. This time, he finally looks at his assignment sheet, and low and behold, her test is in our room.

After distributing the General Science exam, Walrus Woman, who was sitting about four people away from me, asks Bizarre Proctor man if the General Science test was the Middle School Science test. Is this woman serious? Obviously she has the wrong test which now has to be fixed. Knucklehead Ken next to me asks if we can start filling out our name on the answer sheet, but Bizarre Proctor man tells him to hold his horses and wait till everyone gets their test.

After all of the tests are distributed, he tells us to fill out our information and then start the test. We all stare at him with blank faces, seeing that it takes a good 5-10 minutes to fill out the name portion of the answer key nobody in the room was going to give up any of their test time to fill out this portion. This results in about 10 of us arguing with Bizarre Proctor about whether the test had actually started or not. He finally tells us to just fill out our name section and that he will let us know when the test started.

I'm used to having someone tell me when and what sections to fill out and reading from that fancy book, which this man clearly didn't do. He simply skipped over all of those directions, which resulted in all the Rookie Testees asking a million questions about test codes, school code, mother's maiden name, porn name, drawing a picture of Chewbacca playing chess, etc.

After what felt like an eternity, we finally start our test an entire hour later than we were supposed to. The test consisted of 93 questions, 90 multiple choice questions and 3 open ended questions.

93 questions?!

I breeze through the multiple choice questions, mainly because I had to make educated guesses on about 75% of the multiple choice questions. Then came the three open ended questions. After reading all three questions, I quickly realized that I honestly had no idea how to bullshit any of these questions. My instant reaction: Fuck. I honestly could have studied from the day I signed up for the test back in September up until last night, and I still would have had no clue what the hell to write. Instead, I got creative...really creative.

I can't remember what the questions actually said, just my amazing responses.
Question 1 dealt with antibodies. The question provided a graph and asked why the number of antibodies increased so quickly during the second response.

The human body has an amazing defense system called the immunity system. The immunity system, prevents us from getting sick. When we get sick, the immunity system learns how to fight the germs and then saves all this information for future offenses made by the germs. The next time the body encounters these germs, the immunity system already knows how to handle the situation.

Vaccines are a way in which our body defends itself against germs. A vaccine is an injected defense of live germs and viruses that enter our bodies and our immunity system gains the knowledge needed to defend itself against future encounters with these germs. For example, during the flu season (the time of year when students and teachers become infected with the flu), scientists develop a flu vaccine to protect the body. With a vaccine, the germs stand no chance. It would be the equivalent of the flu germs being prehistoric cave warriors armed with clubs and mallets against the immunity system armed with the latest science fiction armory, such as laser guns and light sabers. The germs stand no chance.

Question 2 dealt with transverse and longitudinal waves. It basically asked what are transverse and longitudinal waves and how would students complete an experiment demonstrating each type of wave using a spiral-cord? (On a side note, no where in the stupid little print-out did it say anything about knowing what waves were, so I completely skipped over the chapter on waves).

There are two types of waves, transverse and longitudinal. A transverse wave has a smaller wavelength and an amplitude, and is usually associated with sounds. A transverse wave resembles a series of rotating "u's", connected together to form a long chain. The top of the wave is called a crest and the bottom is called a trough. See the diagram below.

Insert hand drawn picture of a wave (it looked ridiculous).

A longitudinal wave has a longer wavelength between each crest. Longitudinal waves are usually associated with water and waves.

When students conduct an experiment to demonstrate each type of wave, they would need to use a spiral cord that is springlike. Students would pull the cord on the spring back lightly to demonstrate  a transverse wave and then would record their findings on their lab sheet. Then they would pull the cord on the spring with more strength to demonstrate a longitudinal wave. Then they would record their findings on their lab sheet.

Question 3 dealt with absolute and relative humidity and how knowing the difference could help you reduce your energy bill during the winter months.

 Relative humidity determines how much water vapor is in the air, but not enough water vapor to cause precipitation. Instead, this form of humidity affects how the temperature feels each day. Perhaps you have heard the weather man tell you that "it is going to be 35F but due to the relative humidity, it's going to feel like 17F." On Action News, this is usually followed up by two paper dolls which they dress in heavy winter coats, hats, and gloves.

Absolute humidity also deals with water vapor, the difference is absolute humidity results in precipitation. After the precipitation occurs, the weather outside no longer is affected by the amount of water vapor in the air. The temperature outside is reflected by the actual temperature, not by outside factors.

How can an individual use humidity factors to reduce their energy bill? The first step, is to always make sure that the thermostat at the house is at a relatively comfortable setting. Once it is at the desired temperature, it is important to not touch the thermostat again. When you turn the heat up or down repeatedly over the course of winter, you are constantly using energy to adjust the heat.

The next step is too make sure that all of the windows and doors are insulated. If the windows are not properly insulated, then you are allowing cold air to creep into your home. By allowing this cold air to creep into the house, you will find yourself constantly adjusting the thermostat to accommodate the cold air. Of course, once you allow this cold air to enter your home, it will eventually invite some of its friends over, and the next thing you know they are eating all of your cookies, drinking all of your hot tea, and using up all your hot water.

Finally, it is important to always wear the appropriate clothes in the winter time. It is perfectly okay to retire the open toed shoes and short sleeved shirts for the season and wear a heavy winter coat and a pair of comfortable, insulated boots during the winter time. By doing so, you can adjust your body temperature to the cold surroundings.

I kid you not, these were my actual responses to the questions. I'm looking forward to seeing my results in 30 days.