Dave and Company

After two days of playing Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker for the last 36 hours, I have finally given Rachel some much needed television time. I don't want to gloat too much, but I have found an amazing woman who doesn't complain (too much) when I become obsessed with video games for multiple hours. Though I do wonder when would be a good time to ask when I can start playing again.

On Friday, Diddy and I visited the grandparents on my father's side, which was amusing to say the least. Though, the word "amusing" refers to a day of what the fuckness. To begin with, moments after walking into their house, Pops tells me that I reek of cigarettes. Unbeknown to him, I quit smoking on Christmas, therefore was cigarette free for a week (minus the one I had on my way there). I'm pretty sure confident that he has been waiting to say that for weeks when he realized for the first time that I smoked.

Conversation between the Grans and I consisted mainly of them asking how school was (fine), how is Rachel (fine), how Momma Dukes was (fine), how was my Christmas (fine)...are you sensing a theme yet. I'm a fan of giving the one word answers with them. I have concluded that when I give them too much information, they find things to judge me on.

In a rare moment of retardness, during a conversation about weddings I mentioned my wedding. If you remember from a prior entry, I called the entire family to announce my engagement, so this wasn't giving too much information. However, my grandmother looked at me and in a dead serious tone of voice, asked me who was getting married. This is not a woman who has dementia, therefore asking me who was getting married was a tiny bit fucking irritating. 

The environment improved after Patrick and Aunt Dorie showed up (the only other sane people in the family...well Chris is sane too, but he wasn't there). Patrick and I went on multiple tangents for the remainder of the visit, which included:

• Recent laws against driving while talking/texting/sexting on the phone. Perhaps new laws should be created against people who eat while driving. These laws would need to be specific, it is one thing to eat a sandwich or some French fries while driving, but if the food involves utensils, such as spaghetti and meatballs or using nut crackers to eat snow crabs, then it would be illegal.
• Is it possible to purchase a car adapter for the George Foreman Grill? It would be an interesting Facebook status, to be grilling a delectable steak while driving down the highway.
• Pops mentioned being locked into many contracts with his cable, electric, gas, and water companies for the 2011 year. I am quite concerned that his key chain is not big enough for all the keys he will be receiving for all these locked contracts. 
• The way Dave's hair has turned white is in a rather unusual and peculiar pattern. I believe 7/8 of his hair is white, while Patrick believes that 9/11 of his hair has turned white. What makes his hair so odd, is the fact that he has a tiny patch of black hair at the base of his skull and a small circular patch at the back of his head. The rest is white. It's actually quite sad looking. I think for Christmas next year I shall buy him a bottle of hair dye to fix this strange hair pattern.

Dave...ew

• Dave apparently got a hernia from digging his house barn out from the snow. During the three hours of conversation, he sat on the floor the entire time. Towards the end of the three hour melee conversation, he finally got up and started to stretch his legs. Let me rephrase that, he got up and appeared to be preparing for a very long jog. If I didn't know any better, I would have put money on the fact that he was planning on leaving Colonel Mustard at his parent's house and sprint home in his new Eagles sweatshirt.

Memo to self, bypass the Lakes and head straight to my aunt's house next time I go visiting.