Celebrity Rehab is only entertaining to watch during the first few episodes, since they tape these so-called celebrities at their rock bottom (puking in night clubs, stumbling over imaginary rocks, and injecting drugs into their nonexistent veins). The primary goal of this show is to detail the painful withdraw symptoms of drug abuse and to document the recovery process in rehab. In reality, the only thing this show does for me is piss me off that a bunch of celebrity wankers spent all their money on drugs and are now looking for another 15 minutes of fame (and perhaps relaunch their nonexistent careers).
Like I said, the producers of the show have found another handful of druggie celebrities willing to air their dirty laundry on television. I'm not even sure why half of these people are on the show, seeing that they complain the entire time they are there and plan out how they are going to get their next fix after leaving the rehab facility. This season, the show focuses on Jason Davis, Janice Dickinson, Leif Garrett, Jeremy London, Rachel Uchitel, Jason Wahler, and Eric Roberts. Who the fuck are these people?
Jason Davis is famous for being the grandson of Marvin Davis, who once owned 20th Century Fox. I guess this explains his tabloid popularity and apparent socialite status. Apparently, the media has dubbed him "Gummi Bear," though he looks more like a troll with a nose job.
Dear Media,
Just an FYI, Gummi Bears are cute animal candies which taste delicious. Gummi Bears was also an animated show from my childhood about a group of Gummi Bears, who drank special juice and bounced everywhere. Jason Davis doesn't look like a Gummi Bear. Please stop referring to him as Gummi Bear and begin using the term Troll with a Nosejob.
Thank you.The next druggie is Janice Dickinson, the self proclaimed "First Super Model." I'm sorry, if you have to give yourself the the nickname of the First Super Model, then chances are you suck. I actually did recognize this celebrity from America's Next Top Model, where she assisted Tyra Banks in overusing the term "fierce." More importantly, she did a stint on the Surreal Life (another VH1 show where they placed celebrities in a house to live together). During her stint on the Surreal Life, she had a confrontation with Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth (bet you didn't know her last name), in which Dickinson posed with a prop knife over Omarosa's head during a photo shoot. Apparently this was too fierce for Omarosa's liking, since it launched an all out feud between the two idiots.
Anyone growing up in the 70s should recognize Leif Garrett, who no longer looks like the teen idol he once was. Goodbye golden blond hair; hello goofy goatee and strange bandanna fascination. Garret has become more famous for his addiction of heroin, than cruning out bad songs about putting your head on his shoulder.
Jeremy London, who once played a young minister on 7th Heaven, entered rehab to fight his drug and alcohol abuse. Perhaps you don't recognize London from his days as a minister, but instead for being kidnapped in June 2010 and forced to smoke drugs at gunpoint. I kid you not, this actually did make the news last summer. According to London, he was changing a flat tire (I had no idea celebrities actually did this) where he was forced by gunpoint to drive to various locations throughout California. During this time, he was forced to purchase alcohol and to use crack cocaine and amphetamines. Perhaps he was just hallucinating on one too many hits of dope and thought his friends kidnapped him. The world may never know.
Frankie Lons falls into the same category as Jason Davis, only famous for their family. Frankie is R&B singer Keyshia Cole's biological mother. She was also on another reality show, which I never watched nor heard of until reading her bio on the VH1 website. In an ironic twist of fate, while I was reading her biography, an advertisement for Mike's Hard Lemonade appeared next to her bio. Frankie entered rehab due to her constant need to drink, which makes the placement of the advertisement even more hilarious.
Unlike her new roommates, Rachel Uchitel is a tabloid celebrity who managed VIP sections of night clubs in New York and Las Vegas. Basically, she made all of her money for being a giant slut. Her fiancée was killed in the World Trade Center attack, which gave her reason to become addicted to prescription pills.
Jason Wahler, former member of the Laguna Beach and The Hills cast, entered rehab to fight his abuse of alcohol. Instead of blaming himself for his addiction, he blames his excessive drinking on his stint from television. Is this kid serious? He has a drinking problem due to television!?
The final cast member of Celebrity Rehab that I will discuss today is Eric Roberts, the brother of Julia Roberts. Eric Roberts actually did have a career once, until he was in a car accident which left him a coma for three day, broke his collarbone, and had facial trauma. Since then, he has been arrested for cocaine and marijuana. He was able to finally kick the cocaine addiction, but has entered rehab for his pot addiction. I wasn't even aware that you could be addicted to pot to the point where you needed rehab.
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