Golden Rules 1

Fast Food Drive-Thru Lane

Last week, I started craving a Volcano Burrito from Taco Bell (yum). I’ve been trying to take Rachel’s approach to food cravings and see how long I can wait them out to try to save on calories. I finally caved in to my craving and went to Taco Bell after work. All I wanted was a Volcano Burrito. That’s it.

I pulled into the drive-thru lane, which was a huge mistake. In front of me was a van with I believe only two people in it, the driver and passenger. The driver was a heavy set man who could not make up his mind of what he wanted. I sat in my car for a good ten minutes listening to the radio, when I realized that I had been sitting there for that long. Out of curiosity, I turned the radio off, rolled down the window, and listened to the driver place his order.

It was a wonder why I had been sitting there for that long, he was the most indecisive, unsure individual I had ever seen. I listened for another 10 minutes as he changed his mind, asked what ingredients were on each individual item on the menu, converse with the passenger, place his order, change his mind, ask for the Taco Bell employee to repeat his order back, change items on the list, ask again what was on the Nachos Bell Grande, ask how many tomatoes come on the Nachos Bell Grande, converse some more with the passenger, adjust his seat belt, change items on the list…

When I arrived at Taco Bell, there were only two cars in the drive-thru: Indecisive Driver and myself. At this point, the line wrapped around the building and almost spilled into the parking lot. There were actually people honking at this point, which I thought was hilarious.

Finally, Indecisive Driver placed his order and drove to the next window. I pulled up next and ordered my Volcano Burrito, but obviously couldn’t move forward because Indecisive Driver was still trying to pay for his meal. I finally see relief in front of me when the Taco Bell employee reached out with Indecisive Driver’s one bag of food and small drink, but it was only a mirage. Indecisive Driver now wants a fork to go with his meal. The Taco Bell employee hands him his fork, but of course, Indecisive Driver drops the fork. I think even the Taco Bell employee was ready to strangle him because he reached out with a handful of forks this time.

Golden Rule 1: When ordering from a fast food restaurant, if you are not aware of what you want to order or the contents of the meal you are ordering, DO NOT go through the drive thru window.

Wawa Man
Summer school always kicks me in the ass because it’s in the beginning of the summer. By the end of June, my brain is like “Yay! It’s summer!” and I’m ready to stay up late. However, summer school usually begins within days of the regular school year, which results in me staying up way too late and waking up groggy and needing a desperate shot of caffeine. Obviously the solution to this problem is to stay up late and rely on Wawa’s delicious selection of coffee.

I head into Wawa this morning and almost drove the plastic straws into my eye sockets to remove the scene I had just witnessed. I was standing at the coffee station towards the back of the store facing the door. I had just put my lid on, when Obese Grossness walks in the door.

Obese Grossness is wearing cargo khaki shorts that can only be classified as short-shorts. They may have even came from the women’s section. They barely reach his mid thigh, though luckily, they weren’t skin tight. Along with the cargo khaki short-shorts, he was wearing a red construction shirt of some sort, that barely reached the top of the shorts. He enters the store and decides to stretch, throwing his arms in the air, causing two things to happen: 1) his already short shirt raising well above the belly button and 2) the world to see his wet/sweaty armpits.

Who does that…really?

Golden Rule 2: Unless you are in a gym, at no point in your life should you find it necessary to stretch in public.

Golden Rule 3: Any form of shorts that allow me to see any part of the leg before the knee cap on a man should be banned. In fact, if a man decides to wear such shorts, the punishment should be that man should be forced to wear a skirt for two weeks.

Having a Conversation - While Peeing in the Bathroom Stalls
Public restrooms are already a strange concept, especially when you have ten toilets lines up, enclosed by stall walls that has the sole purpose of showing a person with their pants down. Honestly, I find the entire experience a little bit awkward. Do they really need that 6 inch gap between the bottom of the stall wall to the floor?

There’s only one thing worse, entering a bathroom to find two people in stalls next to each other, having an entire conversation between the stall walls. You can’t pause the conversation for 60 seconds to do your business and then pick up the conversation afterwards?

There’s only one thing that makes this already uncomfortable situation even worse: when it happens to me. I was having a conversation with someone this afternoon at work and we both headed into the bathroom at the same time. Pee Talker went into the stall next to me and continued the conversation.

Please…don’t talk to me when I’m in the stall next to me. Actually, a good rule to follow is that if you are in a stall, it’s pretty much a good idea not to talk to anyone, whether they are in a stall next to you or waiting for you by the sinks.

Golden Rule 4: While in the bathroom, DO NOT under any circumstance, talk to another person while in a bathroom stall.