Awkward Conversation

Before I begin my story, there are two things you need to understand about me: I absolutely detest the heat and when I am hungry I shake and become cranky. When you add those two elements together, I become a nightmare to be around. During the summer, I try to avoid being outside and stick to the air conditioned living room to play video games. Please, refrain from being jealous of the exciting and thrilling life I lead during the hot summer days.

Earlier this week, a very sick Rachel talked to Mark about the sink/vanity situation. During the phone call, Mark gave her a hard time about our cats and the way the litter box had been set up. When she got off the phone, she decided that it would be a good idea to shut off the air and open all of the windows. I tried to be a good sport and went along for the ride. After a few hours, I was a miserable mess and she was feeling the aftershock. We finally agreed on leaving the air on in the living room and opening the windows in the back of the apartment to “air” out the cats.

Of course, the apartment quickly became a sauna and by Saturday morning, I was grumpy. While she was still sleeping, I snuck to the back of the apartment and closed all the windows.

By Saturday evening, I quickly realized that the kitchen was lacking in the food department. I basically had three options to eat: cheese sticks, eggs, or a granola bar. I allowed myself to go to long before food and my body got the shakes and my mind went blank, resulting in ULTIMATE GRUMPINESS. Rachel made me some Easy Mac and we decided to make a list for the grocery store.

Rachel is very particular about her grocery lists. I’ve never seen a more organized list. The list always starts with the produce section and works its way around the store. Organized ideas are impossible when your brain is not functioning from the lack of food. In fact, the organized list is extremely scary (I actually did have a nightmare about the list trying to eat me later that night. Not cool.)

After we finally get our list together, we finally get out the door to go to the grocery store. I’m starting to feel better now that I have a little food in me and I’m ready to get this show on the road. We head into Shop Left and make our way through the list. Towards the end of the list is the soda. I have a 12-pack of Diet Cherry Vanilla Pepsi in my hands, but I quickly realize that Coke is on sale for much cheaper (one case of Pepsi was $5 while 5 cases of Coke were $11).

We head into the next aisle when the two of us have a communication breakdown about the soda. Rachel doesn’t want to buy the extra soda since we’re moving next week, while my math brain is realizing that we’re getting 3 cases of soda free. We both saw each other’s point, yet were having a mind melt on the soda issue.

As we’re talking about the soda situation, Mary (the custodian at Shop Left) enters the aisle. She begins to clean up a mess at the other end of the aisle, but quickly stops what she’s doing and approaches us. She doesn’t say a word but just stops a foot in front and just stares at us. Of course this ends our conversation about the soda, because we’re not exactly sure what to say. Has the woman never seen a lesbian couple bicker about soda before?

Frankly, I’ve never seen a lesbian couple bicker about soda before either, but I don’t think I would stop and stare. Honestly, what made it that much more awkward, was the fact that she approached us and stood a foot from us and just stared. It was like she wanted to put her input in the situation, but wasn’t sure what to say.

After paying for our groceries, I told Rachel that I wanted to complain about Gawker Mary to Harvey (my former boss). She heads to the car with the groceries while I ask to speak to Harvey. Of course, with my luck, Harvey had just left for the day so I was stuck talking to Jason, whom I also knew from my days at Stop and Shop.

I explain to Jason what happened and he gives me the puzzled face. I’m sure he didn’t even know how to respond to my complaint. It takes a moment, but he finally responds to my complaint.

Jason: We’re not allowed to ask what’s wrong up here (points finger to his forehead) but she’s a little slow. She’s a very sweet woman, but has a tendency to just stare. We actually have her on camera walking into an aisle and just stopping and staring at a shelf for a half hour.
Me: Oh. I feel a little bit better then.
Jason: She wasn’t staring because you were gay. She seems to just go in a trance.
Me: Well I guess in some weird way I feel a little bit better that she wasn’t staring at us for being gay.

Talk about an awkward conversation.