Cows on the Road

Last January, Rachel and her father formed a band called David's Daughter. (Hint: David would be her father. David's Daughter would be a reference to Rachel). They perform lots of folk songs and their last performance was at Albert Hall, which is literally an audience of rednecks and hicks who don't like anything that isn't folk/bluegrass music. If they are not a fan of the music you are playing, they will literally fall asleep while you are playing.

David's Daughter will be performing at Albert Hall in September, so they rehearsed last week at the apartment. After a few hours of singing, we went out to dinner at Tomo Sushi (or as my phone likes to call it: Tomo Pushi). On our way for some pushi, I decided to play a joke on my sister about a cow jumping into the road. She swears that she didn't believe any of this...but I beg to differ...

Me: A cow jumped over the cones in front of us! It was crazy. Were sitting in traffic cuz everyone is afraid of the cow
Diddy: R u being serious? Send me a picture of this jumping cow lol
Me: It happened so quickly. Holy shit! The cow just rammed into the car in front of us
Diddy: No way, I don't believe u. U had me going that a cow got loose but theres no way it jumped over a cone and then hit a car lol. Where r u?
Me: Were in mullica hill still. On the same road as the wawa
Me: Dude. The car in front of us is pissed. The guy keeps throwing his hands up
Diddy: Whats his problem? He should expect alot of traffic on that road. Is there really a cow loose in the street?
Me: Yea. Ask rachel!
Diddy: She would lie for u 2 keep ur joke goin. Send me a pic. I believe there could b a cow holding up traffic but not running into cars lol. Theyr HUGE! Lol
Me: you know she's a bad liar so if i was lieing then you could tell. Ask her!
Me: Its a good thing paul is running late because were running really late
Diddy: I could tell when someones lying to my face but not thru a text lol

At this point, Diddy sent Rachel a text to find out if I was making up a story. Of course, Rachel was a good sport about my tiny, white lie and told her that it was "all true." Rachel does not like to lie and has trouble telling a lie, even when it's a joke. The only words she could muster were "all true."

Me: It may be on the news tonight
Diddy: Alright im starting to believe u lol. But id still love a pic of this cow. How big is he?
Me: Hes huge. Im going to have to text you back in a little bit. We have to give statements to the cops
Diddy: Wow ok i def believe u now lol. Have fun with the popo

Our food had arrived at the table, (round 1 of pushi for Rachel and David and fried pork dumplings and Japanese beef rice for me) and I needed some time to eat. Therefore I came up with the great idea that I had to give statements to the cops about what had happened.

Me: Wtf! I may have to take off work to go to court for this nonsense! So not cool
Diddy: F that! Can they really make u do that? Whens the court date? U should tell the cop its a brand new job and its ur 1st year at this school & u cant miss a day
Me: I may have to go to court because when the cops arrived the cow was already tranquilized and i may have to testify about the damages
Diddy: Can u just write a written statement instead? Hopefully if u have 2 go then it happens quick & its over before school starts
Me: The court date hasn't been set yet. He said it would probably be in december around christmas
Diddy: Y so far away? Omg, i thought september maybe october at the latest. By december ur barely gona remember every detail of what happened. Thats crazy!
Me: Apparently this is a frequent occurence around here and the court system is backed up with accidents caused by animals
Diddy: Thats insane! They need a special court just for loose animals lol. What do they even need court for? Find the owner of the cow & make them 100% of the damages
Me: Theres lots of details to work out cuz i think the owner of the cow doesnt have the proper paperwork to prove the cow is his. Apparently the cow is his fathers
Diddy: Oh god, drama wit the cow lol. That must have been fun to watch a cow roaming the streets & then get tranqualized. How did they pick him up off the ground?
Me: The shot him with a tranquilizer gun but he was still mobile so they guided him back onto the pen. When they opened the gate two baby pigs almost got out
Diddy: Hahaha! That sounds like an interesting adventure lol. I wish i was going 2 get chick food wit u guys! Imagine the 2 pigs getting out and crashing into someone else
Me: They were cute little pigs
Diddy: U should have opened the car door and shoved them in. I bet mr. G would love some new friends lol
Me: I think were finally allowed to leave. The owner of th cow is going to be in a lot of trouble for the cow getting out and damaging the car and not having proper paperwork
Me: Lmao! Animal control just showed up
Diddy: Lmao! ur loving this! Is any traffic moving yet? That guys gona lose his cow and theyll probably check all his other animals paper work & loose them next lol
Me: I wish i could stay to find out but paul is already at the pushi place waiting for us
Diddy: Lol enjoy the chick food at the pushi place. The cow drama may still be goin on when ur going home lol
Me: Im hoping so. Im sure they will still be there on our way back
Diddy: Yeah, theyre gona b investigating that guy for awhile. U may see some big trucks there 2 take his whole farm away! They could bring the cow here. I LOVE steak
Me: Aw. That poor cow was very drugged up
Diddy: Thats sad! That was a lot of drugs 2 make him woozy. If hes as big as the 1s at bringhurst then hes probably close 2 a thousand pounds
Me: The damage to the car was pretty nasty. The window was cracked and the review mirror is gone
Diddy: Lol better that it was that car and not rachels! Where u guys scared that u were next on his hit list?
Me: Rachel screamed like she saw a ghost. I told her she shouldnt make love noises or it may attract the cow. The cow looked at us first but ran into the car in front of us instead
Diddy: Thank god rachel started flirting wit him or else it may have been her car lol. He could feel the love rachel had 4 him % didn't wana hurt her or upset her lol
Me: I meant loud not love loises. All this excitement is making me a poor speller
Me: I feel guilty ordering the beef and rice meal at the pushi place
Diddy: I kinda figured u didn't mean love lol. But I had 2 have fun wit that mispelling lol. Yeah, I couldn't eat beef either after that story, im eating chicken lol
Me: Im going to start to eat since my dinner just showed up. Ill let you know whats going on with the cow situation on the way home

Since I was "eating my dinner," I waited about forty minutes before my next text to her. During this time, I couldn't contain my joke and was very tempted to call her and tell her the truth. It's not often that I'm able to fool my sister.

Me: Animal control is all over the place. They have about four trucks and they are loading all the animals. The traffic is backed up
Diddy: Thats kinda sad the guy is gona lose all his animals cause of an accident. How did the cow get out originally? R u parking the car and watching the fun lol?
Me: We might as well just park the traffic is so slow
Diddy: Lol u should park at that wawa if u can c whats goin on from their parkin lot. But it might be goin on for awhile. Does it look like hes loosing all his animals?
Me: I think everything except the dog
Diddy: Aw thats sad! Was he a nice guy or does he deserve to lose everyone?
Me: Oh shit. The boys are not happy and just broke out the back of the truck. Theres boys everywhere
Diddy: What kinda boys? Omg this is crazy!!
Me: Cows not boys. Rachel is trying to turn around but everyone is trying to do the same. There are about ten cows roaming the streets
Diddy: Omg thats great! Please get and take a picture of this. Im cracking up right now & would love to see this in action. lmao. How close r they 2 rachel's car?
Me: We cant turn around cuz there is a cow right behind us

To be honest, by this point, I was getting a little bored of this running joke. I had now been texting Diddy for the last three hours about an imaginary cow getting loose and causing mayhem. I know I'm creative, but there is only so much you can say about an imaginary cow on the road.

Me: Wtf! The cow just shit on the back of her car
Diddy: Hahahaha omg really?? Thats gotta be alot of shit?? Is rachel pissed
Me: Rachel is panicing cuz she thinks hes going to stand on her car next
Diddy: No, reassure her that the fat ass cow can't step onto her car. Take his pic since hes that close!!
Me: Hes moving around too much so i cant get a good pic
Diddy: That sucks, tell him to slow down lol! Whats he doing now?
Me: The animal control are trying to catch all the cows which is making them run all over the place
Diddy: I cant imagine a cow running, thats not normal lol. Everytime I see a cow they r laying around like big lazy bums lol. Ru almost home?
Me: Were just sitting in this traffic. Theyve blocked off the road but wont let us turn around cuz there afraid the boys will get upset
Diddy: I love that u keep calling them the boys lol.
Me: Yay! Were finally moving. They are finally letting us turn around
Diddy: Thats good, how far from home r u?
Me: Were still by wawa
Diddy: That sucks, everyones gona be goin ur back way home too so its probably gona take u awhile. Hopefully theres no more animals on the way home
Me: Ive got my fingers crossed that there will be no more animals
Diddy: Is rachel upset her car got shit on lol?
Me: Yea. As were driving its flying off the back of the car